The Voice of Treason

He came from Planet Gore
Some say he’s just a bore
He’s been called a hermaphrodite
Can’t turn off a single light

They say he’s a star
Who drives an electric car
He’s an example to serve as a warning
WELL HE ISN’T!

Thank you, B-52’s, for your tune Planet Claire. Thank you, National Review Online, for your fun-filled feature Planet Gore.

Yup, Planet Gore has a fever - it’s a hot blog. We’re all keeping an eye on the Goracle, wondering if he’ll add his name to the D-List. Call me crazy, but if Al doesn’t run, I’m standing by my previous assertion that he’s considering new digs in Sacramento.

Governor Gore, turning the Golden State Green.

I’ve always suspected that Algore has had a weird obsession with Reagan; now that he’s done Hollywood, he can run against the Governator, then make another move on the White House.

Gipper…Tipper…I tell ya, it’s eerie.

Herod: Listen Claudius, let me give you a piece of advice.

– an exchange between friends, the King of Judea and the Emperor of Rome; I, Claudius, Episode 11

We live in cynical times. If a person were to ask, “Gee, whatever happened to Pollyanna?,” someone else would no doubt chirp: “Oh, you didn’t hear? She was raped, stuffed into a garbage bag, and buried alive.”

I never watch American Idol, but T and I were surfing earlier this week and landed on an episode. It was the one with Ashley, the little girl in the audience who sobbed during Sanjaya’s peculiar rendition of a Kinks classic. It was British Invasion night, complete with a prepubescent girl in tears.

“Jeez. What a rip-off.”

“What?”

“The little girl. Looks like one of the producers just saw The Idolmaker. Can you say staged?”

“Yup. The kid’s a plant. She’ll be on every morning show tomorrow.”

“Ugh. This needs to go away.”

Sure enough, the kid’s fifteen minutes had begun. Is every person suddenly living his life as if there’s a camera pointed at him? It’s clear that all these prime time game shows are staged, but it’s become obvious that many of the cable news shows are scripted now, too.

Is it any wonder that when news broke about Khalid Sheikh Mohammed’s confessions, no one thought it was “good” news? Instead, everyone reacted to the story the same way - with a punch line.

The night before the Edwards’ news conference, I’d heard that it had been scheduled, so I started formulating what was coming. No one wants to be cynical, but no one wants to be naive, either.

I watched, I listened, I analyzed, I formed my opinion. In a nutshell, I was sorry to hear about Elizabeth and sorry to hear her husband was still in the race. But I had to agree that it was absolutely the right decision. I imagined myself in the same situation, compared the pros to the cons, and came up with the same conclusion. The Edwards are correct to continue doing what they love to do; the alternative really wouldn’t make much sense.

Comparisons to other candidates? Inevitable. McCain and Giuliani have both dealt with cancer; of course, comparisons will be drawn. Intentional? Why wouldn’t it be? And today Tony Snow has announced his own cancer’s recurrence. Coincidence? Or just auspicious timing?

Let’s not forget that Mitt Romney’s wife Ann is fighting her own battle with MS. There might have been a press conference - I don’t recall. The world of politics invites skepticism and cynicism. Of course people are going to speculate on the effect of a personal tragedy on the race. The Edwards also mentioned the death of a child; other candidates have suffered similar losses. When you run for office your life is laid bare and is open to scrutiny. You cannot expect to take all the advantages, but avoid any negative consequences.

A “for instance.” Rudy and Judy are being criticized for failed marriages. My advice? Smile and say “third time’s the charm,” and keep on going. As voters we can choose to make our decisions based solely on the candidates’ personal lives, or we can focus on the issues. I would suggest looking at both. Not with a jaundiced eye, and not through rose-colored glasses. Compare the candidates to each other, then compare your top pick to yourself.

I generally don’t watch Keith Olbermann, either, but I did catch the end of his show last night, at the point where he criticized Rush Limbaugh’s response to the Edwards’ press conference. Did I hear Olbermann call Limbaugh cynical? Well! Takes one to know one, doesn’t it?

After declaring that Rush was the worst person in the world, Olbermann launched into a tirade - including a bit about little Ashley - that sounded…well, pretty cynical. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against cynicism. But I know when I’ve reached the danger level. I went online this week and came across old articles about fishermen using stray dogs and cats to attract sharks. There was a photo of a puppy with a large, double-pronged hook through its muzzle. Bad things happen. Unimaginable things. And the weight of them can crush a person’s soul.

Some people go to church, some go into the forest. Others throw themselves into their work or their art. Some cook, others plant flowers. Each person finds his own way to recover his soul. I go to the dog park. Today we met a pretty young girl with small children, the smallest still in a stroller, and her dogs. She has two good-sized Chihuahuas, but the one that really caught my eye was a strikingly handsome Boxer/pitbull cross.

“Oh, he’s new. I brought him home on Tuesday. It’s why he’s still so thin.”

He turned, and I saw his ribs and the countless scars that covered his back and sides.

“Barbed wire. I don’t really know what was done to him, but I can’t even begin to imagine.”

I watched him introduce himself to the other dogs: I saw playful, dignified, happy. He came up to me and leaned against my legs for a good petting.

“I was a little worried about bringing him home, what with the new baby and my husband leaving for Iraq tomorrow. But I had to do it.”

I looked at this girl and this dog and tried to imagine how someone so tiny could handle all these kids and dogs and all the worry that would intensify in a few hours.

“He’s a beautiful dog. And so lucky.”

Maybe I’m naive but, as bad as things get, I refuse to believe that Pollyanna is dead.

“Do something special
Anything special
And you’ll get better because
Come on and just do mimic
When you gotta gimmick
Take a look how different we are!

– Stephen Sondheim, “You Gotta Have A Gimmick”

I always remember my mother saying it when I was growing up. She consistently maintained that it didn’t matter how smart or talented a person was - that was never a guarantee of success. What a person really needed was a gimmick. A shtick. Something that set him apart from the pack and made him stand out.

Mom missed her calling. She should have been a Hollywood agent or maybe worked in PR. Anyone who watches stand-up comedians knows that each one has to create that certain something that makes him or her unique. Now it’s a requirement for those running for political office.

George W. Bush - the “compassionate conservative” has his. McCain - the “maverick” - has his. Giuliani has his, too. Not only is he the mayor of the greatest city, he’s also the mayor of the greatest country. He’s “America’s Mayor.” And if he’s really smart he’ll address all those allegations about his private life by simply saying this:

“I’ve loved my wives. I love my children. But I loved my city and my country more. Sure, I wanted it all - the perfect job, the perfect life - but I had to choose. I had to make a decision. And I chose to sacrifice my personal life.”

Yup, in order to be an effective public servant - for the good of his city! for the good of his country! - Rudy Giuliani put his personal life on the back burner for us. Did that hurt me, the voter, in any way? Did it hurt his wives and kids? Hell, they’ve recovered and they’re doing well without him. Damn it, the man had work to do! You’re telling me a kid’s recital is more important than a hundred funerals and rebuilding a city?

This is why I’ll never run for political office. But I really think Rudy could make this work, don’t you? (Either that, or he could simply capitalize on his accomplishments. For a specific list, refer to this fact-filled article by Deroy Murdock.)

And that leaves my man Romney. Or should I say “My Man Mitt?”

“And now, we bring you innovation #323… Students for Mitt!

So if you raise $50,000 you get $5000 back. If you raise $100,000 you get $10,000 back! That’s serious money for a college student and for a great cause!”

Wheeeeeee! I’m likin’ it. And it’s nice to see that National Review hasn’t given up on Romney entirely, suggesting that he quickly find that certain something that just seems to be lacking right now. If “theme” sounds too much like an English teacher explaining to a student, after reading his composition, why he got a “B” instead of an “A,” and “gimmick” sounds too crass, then maybe the term should be “niche.”

To me, Romney is sort of retro - reminiscent of politicians from the past. That will appeal to some voters but probably repel even more. It’s tough. He has to be conservative and cool at the same time. He’s got to be bold, forward-looking, innovative, and he has to not only embrace technology, but out-embrace the competition.

Has to use all the available tools at his disposal. Has to find another “ParkRidge47″ and make some videos…

Silent? I wish. Whatever happened to “silence is golden?” There’s a fool on the Hill today flappin’ his gums about the end of the world, and it’s official: The New York Times‘ definition of “fool” is “a heartbreak loser turned Oscar boasting Nobel hopeful globe trotting multimillionaire pop culture eminence.” And, speaking of the “Gray Lady,” if this isn’t enough to spoil a quiet spring morning, our former U.S. Attorney — who has become the darling of the media — has an op-ed in the same paper.

I can usually find a few moments’ peace in the shower, but even that was disrupted this morning by a radio ad:

(The sound of a telephone ringing) “A phone call is made…A scandal begins.”

I turned off the water. Oh, no…don’t freaking tell me -

“Serious questions remain about Heather Wilson…”

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh! It’s March 2007 and they’re already running campaign ads! There’s been some speculation about Heather running for a Senate seat (possibly Domenici’s), but why wait for her to decide? Why wait for the next election cycle? Annihilate her now!

And this smooch-fest with Iglesias is wearing thin, too. It’s as if the Dems don’t want to be accused of being anti-Hispanic, what with trying to bring down Al Gonzales, so they’re propping up our Nuevo Mexico prosecutor: “Look! See? We like this one!”

Keep an eye on Iglesias’ resume. Some are suggesting that he’s getting ready to switch parties and run for office - despite some long-held conservative positions…and the documented criticism of his job performance. Criticism, incidentally, that was aimed at him long before he was fired. (Prosecutors are expected to prosecute, and Iglesias’ record is woefully light in that department.)

You think Pete Domenici is kicking himself for recommending this guy? Again, if the spotlight is kept on Nuevo Mexico (yes, it is a state), it won’t be good news for the governor.

Tagline: A Tribute to Those Who Did So Much . . . With So Little

I went online and read a little of David M. Cross’ critique of the 1945 John Ford film, which begins:

“THEY WERE EXPENDABLE is a story of defeat.”

Cross points to this exchange between two of the film’s characters:

“As Brickley protests, the Admiral tells him: ‘You and I are professionals. If the manager says sacrifice, we lay down the bunt and let somebody else hit the home run. That’s what we were trained for and that’s what we’ll do.’

This scene subtly lays down the motivating force for the remainder of the film. The sailors sacrifice themselves because it’s their duty and responsibility, not because of some need to preserve the nation or defend the homeland. It is this message that Ford is telling us, and it is to men such as Brickley and Ryan, who lay down the bunt, that Ford has dedicated this film.”

Is this film on the official Republican “Movies To Watch” list? Is Alberto Gonzales the next “sailor” to sacrifice himself? George Bush is out there today talking about the Democrats’ “fishing expedition,” but that only supports the suspicion that there’s a boat drifting out to sea and there are
only enough rations left for a select few. Someone has to jump ship. Someone has to be shark food. Is Al Gonzales…chum?

Republicans are always quick to toss someone overboard, but that rarely solves the problem. You just attract more sharks. Sure, Gonzales might easily be mistaken for a flounder this week, but that’s no reason to tie him off the bow, so to speak.

But I can understand the administration’s predicament. Do you keep Gonzales in the boat while the sharks circle, or do you throw him in with the sharks and see how long that keeps them busy? The problem is that these tidbits are merely appetizers - the sharks are going to want more to sink their teeth into.

Tough call, captain. Is the AG off the hook or will Bush shrug and say he’s just small fry and let him go? Now that there are some interesting names floating out there - Chertoff, Townsend, Thompson, and Olson…ooh, Olson - maybe a little reshuffling of the deck chairs isn’t such a bad idea.

Ever hear a news story that cites statistics and because there are so many similar studies you never stop to analyze the data? I generally take these with a grain of salt because I know if I wait long enough there will be another story that cites stats that contradict the previous ones. Like: Peanut butter can kill you. And then: Peanut butter probably won’t kill you…unless you eat a bucket a day and never exercise. And you chain smoke. And have a history of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, and cancer. And you drive really fast.

But this particular story I heard the other day got my attention. One out of four people who die from a heart attack don’t know that they were even at risk. The fatal heart attack came as a complete surprise to them. Yup, just sneaked up on ‘em before they realized they even had a health issue.

“Whoa - what’s that pain in my…cough…ugh…cough…aaarrrggghhh…”

My question is this: How do they know that? Did experts interview the corpse after the fatal heart attack?

It makes one want to take a second look at advertisements. I recently read an ad for a local school, then had to go back and read it again. This institution claims that it “admits students without regard to religion, race, color, creed, gender, disability, age, sexual orientation, gender identification or ethnic background.” That’s certainly a mouthful. And I’m sure the administrators felt they’d covered all bases.

This is a school for little kids, pre-kindergarten through grade five. If memory serves, I was nine in fifth grade. If someone had asked me to identify myself in terms like those I just mentioned, I might not have been able to come up with answers. Religion? Uh, we live in a Jewish neighborhood but I don’t think we’re Jewish. Ethnic background? Um, Mom’s Italian. I think Dad’s a drunk. Disability? I can’t see the blackboard. Color? I like pink. But blue is nice, too.

All I really knew when I was nine is that I loved the Cubs. But it was 1969, and there was reason then to love the Cubs. It reminds me of when my mother would take us to the Loop at Christmastime: I’d sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what I wanted to find under the tree. A Spirograph - the big, deluxe model with all the plastic pieces and different ink colors; new outfits for Barbie and Skipper and Stacey; a replacement Francie because our pet raccoon chewed off her face; a -

At about that point my mother would cut me off mid-sentence and inform Santa that what I really needed for Christmas was some new underwear and petticoats. See, at that age, your life is in your parents’ hands. Your parents…or parent…will be making choices down at the school on your behalf, whether or not they’re accurate or are what you think you want.

But I’m just wondering about that local school. At what point would they limit a student’s disability? Or age? Could a sixteen year-old be admitted? A severely retarded kid? One with cerebral palsy?

If a kid who is female decides she wants to identify herself as a male, is she allowed to go into the boy’s restroom? Does it matter if the kid speaks only Setswana or Uzbek and the teachers don’t?

Oh, wait. They didn’t mention anything about language, did they? Obviously gender i.d. is more important than language these days. And that would explain the D.C. study and so many others like it.

Study Finds One-Third in D.C. Illiterate!

The District of Columbia Chamber of Commerce, which contributed to the report, said the city lost up to $107 million in taxes annually between 2000 and 2005 because of a lack of qualified job applicants.

Duh-uh. I watch C-SPAN - this is not news.

I’ll be honest with you. I generally pay attention to Nuevo Mexico politics and I participate in the voting process here. I’m familiar with the names of our politicos and can generally identify their party and position. But when this “scandal” over the firing of a handful of U.S. attorneys broke, I had to ask: Who the f*ck is David Iglesias?

I caught a little bit of a press conference on TV and I swear it was the first time I’d even seen this guy. I looked at him, listened for a couple minutes, and came away confused. He seemed to be, to borrow a phrase from Joe Biden, “articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy” - how could he be a Democrat?

And that’s when I heard that he’s one of those rare Nuevo Mexican Hispanic Republicans. More confusion. If he’s a Republican, what’s the problem with him getting canned? Isn’t that the goal? To bring down as many Republicans as possible?

Even more confusion. One gets snippets of a story like this but never knows if he or she is getting all the facts. From what I gather, Chuck Schumer has seized the pant leg of opportunity again and has created a scandal to bring down a variety of people in the administration (still trying to nail Karl Rove because Scooter Libby was not enough) and Al Gonzales specifically.

But there are two more targets closer to home: Heather Wilson and Pete Domenici. The Democrats were hoping to knock out Heather last November, but voter fraud wasn’t quite enough to pull that one off. Once Domenici announced that he was going to run again, the knives came out. He’s popular, he’ll win, and that’s a problem. Obviously someone on the other side doesn’t want Domenici heading up any more committees. They want him replaced with a Democrat, so the creation of a scandal might just convince him to bow out of the race and retire.

Iglesias claims that he felt pressured when both Wilson and Domenici called him to ask about the status of a corruption case (voter fraud, specifically) here in the Land of Enchantment. Democrat corruption is legend here, and some of us are tired of it. Some might say it was inappropriate for Wilson and Domenici to ask Iglesias about this case, especially since it was right before a tight election. Others say it was downright illegal for them to ask. If that’s the case, Iglesias should have reported the calls immediately.

He didn’t. Was this allegiance to the party? Negligence? Only a problem after he got canned? My question is this: Why wasn’t he pursuing the case? Why wasn’t he on it like a pitbull on the pant leg of opportunity? (Iglesias claims he didn’t have enough to sink his teeth into.)

It sounds like Heather and Pete were the pitbulls here and they wanted some answers. Hey — I’m a taxpayer and I’m a freakin’ constituent. If there was yet another corruption case out there, I want it known. I want it addressed.

But when all is said and done, the emphasis is on Wilson, Domenici, Gonzales, Rove, and Bush - and not on the competence (or incompetence) of Iglesias. We’re being told that the competence (or incompetence) of Iglesias is “not the issue.” Worse, and most frustrating, is that we’re still not addressing the original corruption case that started this whole ball rolling. Because that was never the issue.

Neat trick.

I was going to let this slide, but I tend to obsess if you haven’t already noticed. I watched a bit of the Plame testimony yesterday - it was a little hard to avoid - and it really started to annoy me that the room was filled with fellow travelers. How does one score a ticket to an event like that, anyway? Is there a lottery? Is there a guest list? Are attendees hand-picked?

I’ll go with that last one. I felt like I was watching bobble head dolls what with everyone nodding in unison. It was freaking hypnotic. And then, the not so subliminal message: the freak in pink. Code Pink, specifically. I don’t understand why the media is referring to this person as a protester. Save a couple letters and call her (him?) what she (he?) really is: a poster.

I found my latest issue of National Review in the mailbox this week and it looks like it’s just chock-full of good articles. McCain’s made the cover and Ramesh Ponnuru has presented a solid argument in the Senator’s favor. McCain deserves a second look, he says. He’s a Conservative’s only real choice.

People I like and respect are dropping hints that, despite our many reservations, John McCain is the one. (I swear I heard Charles Krauthammer make the case for McCain a couple weeks ago, too.) Uh, excuse me. Please stop the Straight Talk Express - I want to get off. Yup, this is fine - just let me off at the corner and I’ll walk the rest of the way. Thank you…have a nice trip…later.

I guess I didn’t get the memo. Has the party made the decision to lose in 2008, turn the country over to the Left, sit back, and wait for something awful to happen? Are they counting on another Jimmy Carter?

This strategery, to me, is too risky because a lot of damage can be done in four years: I really would prefer it if my party refused to roll over and play dead. But after November, did they put new faces out there to represent the GOP? Were they bold? Did they grow a spine? A big pair of garbanzos? Were they loaded for bear?

Uh, no. And here they are, putting forward the next guy in line. It’s McCain’s turn, so he’s the one. He’s our next old white guy. He’s paid his dues, and that’s that. You know, I really hate it when we make it so easy for the other side.

I know a lot of people think that McCain can win, but this already feels like that Dole nomination. We were out and about yesterday and I saw something on the car in front of us. A Barack Obama bumpersticker. Or, as T called it, a “barackobumpasticka.”

Listen, I’m not putting a McCain sticker on my car. Not no way, not no how. I’m looking at the R-List and I’m seeing a lot of names, and I’m thinking of some that aren’t even on there. I doubt they’ll appear any time soon, but there are some young Conservatives out there and some Libertarian-leaning Republicans that are articulate…and bright and clean…and telegenic and…well, exciting. Are we saving them for 2012?

There was a little flutter of enthusiasm when Fred Thompson’s name came up this past week. I’ve always liked him and I love it when he sits in for Paul Harvey. But why run for president when you can play one on TV?

The real flutter comes when a particular name is mentioned, but no one has the garbanzos to put it out there. John Ellis Bush. Like Barbara, Jeb’s always been our favorite, too, and I hate to think he’s out of the running because of his name. (VP, perhaps?)

There’s still interest in Gingrich, but there are pitfalls. Tom DeLay has come out to criticize Newt for being too cozy with Bill Clinton; Bob Tyrrell, no doubt, is still insisting Newt is Bill Clinton.

I still like Rudy, but the attack on him has already begun. And then there’s Mitt. Every time I look at him I hear that Bee Gees song and I can’t get it out of my head. Except the lyrics are a little different.

Oh, Mitt, we’ve known you fairly well
We’ve seen you growing everyday
We never really looked before
But now you take our breath away.

There in Dearborn we found our paradigm
Our only chance for happiness
But if you lose it’s because they say you lie.

Oh say you’ll always be there, Romney
You can make us shine, we can keep the White House
Just one caucus at a time.

More than a Mormon, more than a Mormon to me
More than a Mormon, more than a Mormon to me
More than a Mormon, oh, oh, oh…

So what’s a registered Republican to do? Nope, I won’t switch parties. Remember the old cigarette commercial? I’d rather fight than switch. But it sure would be nice if my party had my back. (Yo! GOP! Still breathing out there?)