The Voice of Treason

The D-List:

Running:
1. Tom Vilsack
2. Joe Biden
3. Barack Obama
4. Chris Dodd

Hasn’t stopped running:
5. John Edwards

Being coy, but everyone knows they’re running:
6. Hillary and Bill
7. Bill Richardson

In the pinko:
8. Dennis Kucinich

Starting to make noise:
9. Wesley Clark

Waiting to hear something:
10. Algore

Possible add-ons:
11. Howard Dean
12. Nancy “Mee-Mee” Pelosi
13. The Reverend Sharpton

They call the windsurfer ‘Pariah’:
14. John F. Kerry

Jumpers:
1. Mark Warner
2. Russ Feingold
3. Tom Daschle
4. Evan Bayh

The R-List:

Running:
1. Duncan Hunter
2. John McCain
3. Rudy Giuliani
4. Tommy Thompson
5. Mitt Romney
6. Sam Brownback
7. Tom Tancredo

Waiting to pounce:
8. Newt Gingrich

Running whether we like it or not:
9. George Pataki

There’s been talk, but which party?:
10. Michael Bloomberg

And speculation:
11. Chuck Hagel
12. Mike Huckabee

Please…not now and not another so soon:
13. George Allen

Since everyone else is, I might as well do it, too:
14. Jim Gilmore

In the same boat, but not necessarily the Titanic:
15. Jeb Bush
16. Condi Rice

Won’t run if nominated, won’t serve if elected:
1. Richard B. Cheney

Jumpers:
2. Bill Frist
3. Frank Keating

When Valencia, California got nuked tonight, the first thing I thought was: “Where the hell am I going to get kumquats now?” Kiss oranges, tangerines, lemons, strawberries, avocados, and all that stuff goodbye. Then reality hit. I’m watching 24 - Valencia wasn’t really nuked. But then came the evening news broadcast and coverage of the freezing temperatures that have devastated agriculture in the state. So…kiss oranges, tangerines, lemons, strawberries, avocados, and all that stuff goodbye.

Hey, the second I heard a Chevron refinery was burning in Richmond, I jumped into my car to go fill it up before the price of gasoline went up. Hmmmm. Can one successfully freeze avocados?

Because, in the first episode of the new season, Jack Bauer tears out the throat of a terrorist with his teeth. Because Jack Bauer has nothing to lose. Because Jack Bauer’s been in a Chinese prison, tortured and brutalized beyond reason, for 24 long months and hasn’t spoken a word ’til now. Whoa…wait a minute. Is Jack Bauer suddenly John McCain?

Could be. Because when the tables are turned and Jack’s the one who’s doing the torturing, he backs off. He can’t do it. And it’s a mistake.

Like the new president - David Palmer’s brother, Wayne. Can’t make a decision and when he does it’s the wrong one. Talk about nepotism. Shoot, everyone in the Palmer family seems to have a job in Washington. But this guy had better get a grip and get one soon. As T pointed out: You’re not in good hands with this Palmer.

The good news, I guess, is that if the brother can get into the Oval Office, maybe there’s still some hope for Jeb. The premiere continues tomorrow night…

“…And one last item. And I don’t want to be a pest about this. I again this year raise the issue of political reform. California politics is a centrifuge that forces voters and policies and parties away from the center. The centrifuge is powered by the way our legislative and congressional districts are drawn. Now we all know what they’re talking about here. They are drawn to eliminate party competition. They work against the mainstream, which is where most Californians are. Currently, ours is not a system of the people, by the people and for the people. It is a system of the parties, by the parties and for the parties.

– California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

Well, that certainly sounds good - I’ll give the Governator that. As a former California resident, I know what he’s talking about when he says the parties aren’t representing the political beliefs of most of California’s citizens. I lived through Ronald Reagan, Jerry Brown, George Deukmejian, and Pete Wilson; then fled the state before Gray Davis was elected, having spent twenty-four years in Northern California, in a situation that can only be described as “taxation without representation.”

Arnold has expressed an interest in taking “the best” from both major parties and creating a whole new system. Independents have long claimed that this is what they do. I beg to differ. If any party even comes close to a meshing of conservative and liberal beliefs, I’d have to say it’s the Libertarians. And, really, that’s not all that accurate, either.

But remember, and I’ve said it here before, Arnold is no conservative. Richard Nixon was his hero, and he was no conservative, either. If the governor thinks he can implement every social program that sounds good, but manage to pay for them without taxing Californians and forcing more of them to relocate, he’s going to have to employ some pretty talented special effects people to make this “new” party fly.

“Who pays the price? I’m not going to pay a personal price. My kids are too old and my grandchild is too young. You’re not going to pay a particular price, as I understand it, with an immediate family. So who pays the price? The American military and their families.”

– Tony Snow

The Democratic message is clear: Breeders are in. I complained during the last election that the incompetent who challenged our District 1 Representative based her campaign on her ovaries. She’s a mother and a grandmother, so she was somehow automatically qualified to represent Nuevo Mexico in Congress. At the time I thought this was an odd strategy, but then I heard Mee-Mee Pelosi using the exact line - “I’m a mother and a grandmother” - and much too often. Why, Cindy Sheehan has manufactured a whole new career solely on a biological function.

Not to be outdone in the Mommy Department, Hillary was out reminding us that she, too, is a mother and has firsthand knowledge of baked goods and Christmas ornaments. If she’s serious about 2008, Chelsea had better get crackin’ on producing a grandchild for the Senator. Because, as it is becoming so increasingly clear, a woman is nothing if she hasn’t bred, and has bred more breeders.

Husbands, too, it seems, are gaining popularity. After years of being told that we don’t need men or children in our lives in order to be “whole,” suddenly marriage and motherhood are fashionable again.

I was a feminist early in my life. One day in September 1964 - my first day of kindergarten, to be precise - I made the decision to live childless and I’ve never wavered, never faltered. Since I knew I would never have children, I never saw a need to marry. After watching my mother raise a passel of children alone, I decided not to reproduce unless I was certain that I could provide a quality situation for any potential rugrats. Daycare and government schools were not an option. The irony, of course, is that I do not provide for a child of my own, yet I’m expected to subsidize the children of strangers. My tax dollars pay for programs and an education system I do not endorse or would subject a child of my own to. And it’s become clear over the years that I do not have the same rights as those who do breed.

If I had called an employer to say that my dog wasn’t feeling well so I wouldn’t be coming in…well, you can imagine how that would go over. Yet many (not all) female coworkers come in late, leave early, or don’t show up at all because of child-related “issues.” And when they’re at work, much of their time is spent either on the phone talking to their kids, or talking to someone else about their kids.

As a woman, I’m looking at this new breed of female who wraps herself in the cloak of motherhood (was that the red thing Pelosi was wearing the other day?), yet derides anyone who is pro-life or childless, and am intrigued. If women do not find this offensive - and I’m certain that there are many who don’t - it’s just one more thing to add to my list: Reasons To Repeal the Nineteenth Amendment. (The “right of suffrage,” and we’ve been suff’rin’ ever since.)

Do you remember when you were five years old and a parent would present you with options?

“You have a choice. You can have/do this, or you can have/do that. So what will it be?”

“I want both.”

“That’s not an option.”

“But that’s what I want.”

“You can’t have both. You have to decide on one. You only get one. One is all you get.”

“I want both.”

“You don’t get to have both. You get to have one. Which one is more important to you? Which one do you want more?”

“Both. Both are important. I want both.”

“Let’s try this again. You don’t get both. You get one choice. One thing is what you get. Not two. You get one. You get to choose. And you have to live with that choice, so make it a good one.”

“I choose both.”

I know this is an unpopular position, but women have always had choices. This is not something that just recently occurred in human history. They’ve had choices, and they’ve made decisions. In many cases, they’ve been bad ones, but a bad choice doesn’t mean no choice. Just wanted to clarify.

So here we have another example of a woman making choices. Air Force Staff Sergeant Michelle Manhart, married mother of two, just made a choice, and that choice was to remove her clothing for a magazine photospread. Now her employer has a choice to make, too.

This is called fairness. Equality. We all get to make choices. The trick is to make the best choices. If you choose to choose everything, you increase your chances of choosing badly.

I want to have children. (Not a bad choice, particularly.)

I want to join the United States Air Force. (Not a bad choice, either.)

I want to pose nude for a girlie magazine. (Interesting choice, but not necessarily a “bad” one.)

I want to pose for a girlie magazine in my uniform, representing a branch of the United States military, violating the rules of that organization. (A good choice only if you no longer wish to be part of that organization.)

But I want both. I want it all. I want a family and a career. I want to be taken seriously and I want to be sexy. Oh, and rich. Famous, too. And I want special treatment. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. And I want to eat anything I want and never get fat.

And you know what? That’s fine. But only if you’re five years old.

“Now, I wasn’t always a Ronald Reagan conservative. Neither was Ronald Reagan, by the way.”

– Mel Gibson, as William Wallace, in Braveheart

After spending a whole day cooking, I spent Christmas night in the ER with my mother, who fell face first onto a sidewalk. On New Year’s Day I was there again, grateful that I’m a somewhat mature adult, and hadn’t been up all night imbibing (for those of you in government schools, that refers to that thing you do when you’re ditching class). I’ve spent every day since visiting her in two different hospitals, and today she’ll be transferred to a skilled nursing facility.

If she hadn’t met and married my stepfather back in 1972, she’d probably have died years ago, or be sharing a spot with pigeons under a viaduct somewhere. She has a bit of money from the sale of two California properties, and that has to last. Right now, she’s probably in better shape than moi. I’m currently voluntarily self-unemployed and have no health insurance. If something doesn’t look or feel quite right, I ignore it. A friend of ours who is self-employed finally bought himself some coverage, but because he has a “pre-existing condition” (high cholesterol), he’s paying a small fortune each month. In effect, he’s being punished for being a responsible adult.

I have always disliked the fact that to get medical and dental benefits, one must be tied to a corporate job. Too many people stay with a company they despise, doing a job that makes them physically ill, just because they don’t want to lose their coverage. If I could find an affordable plan on my own, I would have that thing that William Wallace fought so hard for. I wouldn’t feel I was trapped in a situation - I could switch jobs and not think twice about it. I’m required by law to purchase car and home insurance; I would not object to a plan in which institutions could compete and offer me a decent plan at a decent price.

I’ve never been one to run to a doctor for a sniffle or a paper cut. Just charge me a reasonable rate for preventive maintenance and I’ll make an appearance when the appropriate test is required.

I don’t want a national healthcare plan, but if individual states can come up with workable programs, I might just support that. A free-market system and competition can fix a myriad of problems, like healthcare and Nawlins. I don’t want defense spending redirected to programs that are utterly worthless. I don’t want the idiots - like the ones mentioned in New Jersey’s constitution - voting and making decisions with my money. I’d just like to be able to keep enough of it to be able to look after myself, and have a little extra to put towards the organizations and individuals I want to help.

Like Mitt says, it’s a personal responsibility system.

I’m reviewing the ever-growing list of contenders for 2008 - I actually added a few names when I posted another revised version on Sunday - and there’s one thing I can say that is true for each. I’m familiar with the candidates and this I know: I do not want to see any of these people without their clothes. Look…I’m still trying to get over those revolting pictures of Bill Clinton in his jogging ensemble and swim trunks.

Yet here I am, being subjected to photos of Barack Obama frolicking half-naked in the surf. If someone were to tell him that this only serves to make his ears look larger, would he stay fully dressed?

My top picks for 2008 right now are Romney, Giuliani, and Huckabee, and my hope is that they manage to remain clothed throughout the campaign. And, in Rudy’s case, I don’t even care if it’s an evening gown. I say, stay clothed, stay zipped, and we’ll get along just fine.

You’ll have to forgive me. My mother’s been in the hospital for a week, so I’ve been watching TV with her — closed captioned. The experience has been, in a word - or in this case, two - “face nating.” After a period of funerals and an execution - a rather “sol yum” week - things are starting to pick up speed. How ’bout that “mist tri” odor in Manhattan?

I see some captions that have me falling out of my chair, but I just can’t write them down fast enough. My mother looks over and asks me what I’m laughing about. The problem now is that I’m so drawn in by the nonsensical captions I’m not hearing what people are actually saying. Rich Lowry was on and I didn’t catch a word because I was so busy deciphering the captions under his chin. I tell you, it’s an entirely different “lange wage.”

I’m so “face nated” by the captions that I’ve stopped paying attention to the content of the news, and I’m just left with these weird snippets of information. There was something about a Texas pizzeria accepting pesos from its customers. Shoot, it won’t be long before we start that here in Nuevo Mexico - if we haven’t already.

A few weeks ago there was a story in the paper about how awful it is now that border patrols have stepped up and fewer illegals are coming into the state. Businesses in southern NM , it was reported, are suffering. At that point, don’t you have to question your integrity? If your business depends on illegals for its survival, how does that make you any different from, say, a coyote?

And then there was the story about the Colosseum being lit for Saddam. This makes about as much sense as the closed captioning. And isn’t this just a tad offensive, considering the bloody history of the place? Yeah, yeah, I know about the lighting of the arena when a death sentence is commuted, but his wasn’t, so this is just interpreted as a tribute to a mass murderer. Did they light up the arena when a Christian was spared back in the day? (Their lack of electricity is no excuse.)

Incidentally, I collected foreign coins in a jar when I was a kid. Think there’s any chance I can unload those now when I want a pizza?

The D-List:

Running:
1. Tom Vilsack

In the exploratory phase…officially:
2. Joe Biden
3. Barack Obama

Hasn’t stopped running:
4. John Edwards

Being coy, but everyone knows they’re running:
5. Hillary and Bill
6. Bill Richardson

In the pinko:
7. Dennis Kucinich

Starting to make noise:
8. Wesley Clark
9. Chris Dodd

Waiting to hear something:
10. Algore

Possible add-ons:
11. Howard Dean
12. Nancy “Mee-Mee” Pelosi
13. The Reverend Sharpton

They call the windsurfer ‘Pariah’:
14. John F. Kerry

Jumpers:
1. Mark Warner
2. Russ Feingold
3. Tom Daschle
4. Evan Bayh

The R-List:

Official:
1. Duncan Hunter

Exploratory phase:
2. John McCain
3. Rudy Giuliani
4. Tommy Thompson
5. Mitt Romney
6. Sam Brownback
7. Newt Gingrich

Running whether we like it or not:
8. George Pataki

There’s been talk, but which party?:
9. Michael Bloomberg

And speculation:
10. Chuck Hagel
11. Mike Huckabee
12. Tom Tancredo

Please…not now and not another so soon:
13. George Allen

Since everyone else is, we might as well do it, too:
14. Jim Gilmore
15. Frank Keating

In the same boat, but not necessarily the Titanic:
16. Jeb Bush
17. Condi Rice

Won’t run if nominated, won’t serve if elected:
1. Richard B. Cheney

Jumpers:
2. Bill Frist