“…He said, Marie, Marie, hold on tight. And down we went…”
Writing by treason on Sunday, 29 of October , 2006 at 5:02 pm
“Ancient Romans did not go around saying ‘Boy, this decline and fall is really the pits,’ but then they didn’t have cable.”
– Florence King, National Review/November 6, 2006
The venerable Miss King, a self-described “Protestant-atheist elitist conservative neo-royalist” and possibly the Edward Gibbon of our day, never fails to deliver. As long as she continues to write, my little “empire” will be bearable. Well, as bearable as it can be, considering none of us is able to extract him or herself from the increasingly slippery Slope.
I have a confession to make. I missed Game 5 of the World Series. Sort of. We had been invited to a hockey game - the first one of the new season in the brand new venue - and we accepted before we realized there would be a schedule conflict. It is rude to accept an invitation, commit to someone, then bail once you’ve realized you’ve made an error in judgment. We left the game on for the dog and recorded it, hoping that if we weren’t home to witness it the Tigers might actually win.
We did end up watching it the next day - sort of. In the twelve years we’ve been here we’ve had cable but have been unable to get a clear reception on local channels. They say it’s because of “sun spots.” Uh-huh. Anyway, the picture was just terrible, but I do recommend watching a ballgame on fast-forward. It’s an eye-opener.
What was interesting about this hockey game, though, was that once again we’ve built something without providing access to it. It took a long time to drive to the place on a one-lane road under construction, but we listened to the Series on the car radio. The highlight of the evening was seeing Bill Richardson at the game. He had a seat in the section directly across the rink from us. It’s always nice for us when our governor actually makes an appearance in our state. Bienvenidos a Nuevo Mexico, Bill!
There is no question that he will be re-elected. Even FNC is smitten with him: “Oooh! A Democrat who actually cuts taxes!” I’ll throw Bill a bone. A small one. He did cut taxes. Do I like that I don’t have to pay tax on food items anymore? Yes! Yes, I do. Do I like that I have to now pay higher taxes on other things in order to make the tax cut on food possible? Uh, no, not so much.
Speaking of throwing Bill a bone, if he somehow doesn’t end up on the ticket in 2008, will he be offered a consolation prize? Can he walk away from the governorship to accept a Cabinet position, like Secretary of State?
I will say one positive thing about the man. Because he’s running for President, his ads have been better than most of the rotgut out there. Our local ads are wretched enough, but for once I’m actually relieved to be living here and not in a state where the ads are even worse.
Don’t get me started on the whole Ford/Corker thing - I’m still reeling over the Allen/Webb debacle. I actually had to turn off talk radio and cable news on Friday because I couldn’t take one more second of hearing about the lurid passages in Webb’s novels.
God save us. How low on the Slope have we slipped? No, I’m not talking about Webb - I’m talking about Allen! And shame on those who harped on this. Just when I thought I was the only sane member of the V.R.W.C., I heard Michelle Malkin begging people to just please stop the stupidity. “It’s fiction! Grow up!” Good Lord, no wonder Liberals hate us.
First it was “who said the N-word?”, then macaca, then the Jewish mother surprise, and now it’s all about smut. Webb quips that he didn’t know Allen even read books. I’m starting to wonder that myself. But instead of ending it there, Webb brings to light old arrests. Shoot - I’d like to arrest Allen right now for being such a dumbass.
Says Florence King:
“The bizarre death of Steve Irwin sent a shudder round the world, mingling the chastening terror of an ancient mythological curse with the sophomoric idiocy of the worst of the Jaws spin-offs. Commentators intrigued by odds said that the circumstances of Irwin’s death couldn’t come together again in a thousand years, but they were wrong. It happened again the very same month, right where I live, when George Allen became his own stingray.”
Florence King, as always, makes a good point about Allen — and the Romans, too. But could they have - even without cable - sat around and talked about how the Empire was turning to crap?
“Oh, Cassius.”
“Yes, Lucilla?”
“I was talking to Hilaria and Drusilla the other day, and we were wondering if it was appropriate to bring the children to the games.”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Oh, I don’t know. It’s just that Hilaria’s friend Fabius works at the arena and says that before the lions go out in front of the crowd, they’re teased and poked and sometimes they aren’t given any food.”
“Have you met this Fabius?”
“Uh-huh. He seems genuine. And he’s nice enough. Do you remember him from the festivus? He brought wine.”
“Oh! Yes, I remember - a very good vintage, too. Marcellus and Septimus, wasn’t it?”
“I think you’re right. Don’t forget to remind me to pick up some of that before we go over to Urbana and Spurius’ place next week.”
“Will Fabius be there?”
“It’s possible. You really need to hear what he has to say about the horrid conditions of the cages. Days go by before anyone thinks to clean them. I can’t imagine anyone being so cruel.”
“Well, Lucilla, you are more sensitive than the average Roman.”
“It’s just that it might not be such a good idea to expose the children to this kind of abuse. They might think we’re condoning it.”
“I see your point, really I do. But I paid a lot for these tickets, Lu. And it’s a sell-out: Tigers versus Christians. You know how much the kids love those big cats.”
“But if they mistreat the lions, don’t you think they’re mistreating the tigers, too?”
“You’re right. I know you’re right.”
“I just hate to disappoint the children. They had their hearts set on this. You know Herminius. Doesn’t his cousin know Cresentius?”
“In the Senate?”
“Uh-huh! Don’t you think that Herminius could get Cresentius to get the whole Senate to put a stop to this unethical treatment of innocent animals?”
“What do you suggest?”
“Get him some of that Marcellus and Septimus!”
“Lucilla, you’re a genius! I’m sure he’ll look into the matter for us.”
“Wonderful! Then taking the children to the games can be something we can all feel good about!”
I’m reminded of the recent South Park episode. I like Parker and Stone, but if the appearance of Steve Irwin and the stingray was the only thing that viewers found offensive, it’s no wonder Islamo-Imperialists hate us.
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