Flip that House!
Writing by treason on Wednesday, 25 of October , 2006 at 12:59 pm
Kim Jong Il: Now you see, the changing of the worrd is inevitabre!
Lisa: I’m sorry, it’s what?
Kim Jong Il: Inevit, inevitabre.
Lisa: One more time.
Kim Jong Il: Inevitabre! Things are inevitabrey going to change! Goddammit, open your f*cking ears!
– Team America: World Police
I keep hearing that it’s a “foregone conclusion.” Republicans will lose the House. Maybe the Senate, too, but most definitely the House. On the count of three, now: roll over and play dead.
You know, Republican voters have the right to be angry. We resent being put in this position of having to “choose between the lesser of two evils” or “holding our noses” at the polls. Especially this year, when it’s going to be difficult to simultaneously hold our noses and fill in all those little ovals on our paper ballots with our “special” pens.
But it’s not all gloom and doom. Just yesterday I heard P.J. O’Rourke talking about Nancy Pelosi: “Just her name evokes head lice.” P.J., simply put, has a way with words.
“Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.”
“In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.”
“The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.”
Such a character, that Patrick O’Rourke. I can always count on him for a giggle. But I digress.
I’m hearing that voters must punish the Republicans and shouldn’t vote for them because it’s too much like rewarding them for a job not well done. And that makes perfect sense. But that also means that by not voting at all or by voting for the other party you’re rewarding Democrats. For what? For not being Republicans? See, that’s the part that never gets explained very clearly.
Voters have to look at what will be worse. Are you, as a Republican, up for the gloating when the Democrats take Congress? Do you want to see them take credit for the economy and anything else good that the Republicans had a little something to do with? Are you prepared to deal with the damage the Dems could do to the country?
Or, would Republicans squeaking out a slim victory and learning absolutely nothing from a near-death experience be even worse?
If Republicans can hold on, they’ll need to prove that they’ve learned their lesson. And be noisy about it. Get some fresh new faces, a new script, a reform agenda. Get somebody who can speak in complete sentences and can think on his/her feet.
Is Tony Snow the only person out there who can speak these days? I watched the only televised debate last night between our two District 1 candidates - Heather and Patsy - and it was even more painful to watch than the Tigers/Cardinals game. Occasionally Heather, who’s usually much more articulate, went off script and demonstrated that she was both listening and thinking. She delivered a couple good lines - they even seemed spontaneous - and she asked a few good questions. But the gaffes, the repetition, and the inability to get out more than a paragraph without tripping over her tongue was agonizing.
But Patsy! Oh, good Lord. Heather went to the Air Force Academy and has a Master’s and a doctorate in International Relations from Oxford. She is capable of deep thought and can articulate those thoughts. Last night, unfortunately, she was not at her best. But she was a helluva lot better than Patsy. I kept reminding myself that she has a degree in both English and Philosophy and is a lawyer and our Attorney General. Yet she was totally unprepared to debate, often made no sense, and spoke as if she had barely gotten through sixth grade. Any voter who watched this debacle and thought that she deserves a spot in the House of Representatives is either retarded or too partisan for his own good.
Yet T, who left the room in disgust after about six minutes of this, disagrees. He still thinks dumbed down voters can understand and relate to a Patsy and can’t follow the more complex speech patterns of a Heather. Smart, for some reason, is threatening to them.
On some level I tend to agree, but still hope there’s a chance for a change in thinking. Republicans need to pay attention to the current infatuation with Obama. I think another Southerner in the White House would be a mistake. I watched Bush’s hour-long press conference this morning and the twang and colloquialisms are wearing thin. I like the idea of plain speaking - I do - but I think after eight years of Bush and eight years of Clinton - not to mention four years of George Herbert who had his own communication issues - it’s time to restore a little formality to the office. I know the parties look to the South for support, but perhaps it’s time to find a candidate north of the Mason-Dixon just for variety’s sake.
Is it possible to find someone who will make impressionists’ jobs difficult? Someone who’s hard to imitate and mock? What would that be like for a change?
I heard Neal Boortz this morning, after the press conference, answer the same questions as if he were President. Priceless. And Laura Ingraham keeps running bits of Kenneth Branagh and the St. Crispin speech from Henry V (“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers…”) and it reminds me that it’s not unreasonable for politicians to rely on scripts, but it would be refreshing to have some well-crafted ones.
Perhaps Patsy should have dusted off a few of her old college texts before last night. Yet she’s pulled way ahead in the polls…does she really have to worry about her utter lack of eloquence?
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