The Audacity of Osama Obama…er, Obama Osama…uh, Obama Barama…
Writing by treason on Tuesday, 24 of October , 2006 at 2:33 pm
“Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
– Mark Twain
Before I attack Ted Kennedy for butchering the name of the Illinois freshman senator, I will actually cut him a little (but only a little) slack. Now that Barack Obama is America’s latest sweetheart and the media has jumped - simultaneously - on the Obama bandwagon, I’m hearing even more versions of his name. There’s the usual “bah-Rock” and now there is “barrack” - like military housing or Eric or Derrick. It makes me yearn for Bob Dole because Bob Dole was always referring to himself as Bob Dole so there was never any question that Bob Dole pronounced his name Bob Dole.
So Barack needs to set the record straight. No, not about whether he’s running for president in 2008, but rather what he wants to answer to. President Bah-ROCK Obama or President Barrack Obama.
The Senator is certainly charismatic, articulate, and attractive. So’s Hugh Jackman, but I wouldn’t vote for him for President. (Couldn’t even if I wanted to - he’s an Aussie.) But there’s something creepily Clintonian about him - Obama, not Jackman - that gives me the willies. His book, The Audacity of Hope, for instance. It was a word I liked before Bill Clinton got his hands on it. Hope. Eeeewww. Or cigar. Eeeewww. Or Oval Office.
And Obama has wanted to be leader of the free world for a very long time. Like Bill. Frankly, anyone who wants that job so desperately creeps me out. But, as of this moment, his chances look good. He’s photogenic and slim. And Americans hate fat people - even though most of us are pretty broad in the beam ourselves. See, we want - as we learned in 1992 - a President who’s “just like us!” Or, more accurately, the “us” we’d like to think we are. (A liar and adulterer? A doughy, pale-skinned, ill-tempered, lip-biting chatterbox?)
Obama has two years to turn the average American off, so I suggest he step back a little from the limelight. Still, I’ll take this opportunity to post my official list, in alphabetical order, of Democratic candidates for 2008 (sans Mark Warner):
1. Evan Bayh
2. Joe Biden
3. Wesley Clark
4. Hillary Clinton
5. Tom Daschle (who?)
6. Chris Dodd
7. John Edwards (a.k.a. the Breck Girl)
8. Russ Feingold
9. Algore (Inventor of the Internet)
10. John F. Kerry
11. Barack Obama
12. Bill Richardson (world traveler and Bill Clinton’s pimp)
13. Tom Vilsack
Did I forget anyone? Is Kucinich running again? It’s hard to tell. I keep seeing bumper stickers for him and can’t tell if they’re just leftovers from ‘04.
I’ll post my list of Republican candidates, too. Hmmm. Well, it was longer, but now that I’ve crossed off just about everyone on it…oh! Easy one. McCain, Frist, Romney.
(Pssssssst! Mitt! You’ve got two years…step back a little…)
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