I’m A Deejay For The C.I.A. or The Taliban Top Twenty
Writing by treason on Saturday, 23 of September , 2006 at 5:12 pm
When I sat down to compile my playlist, I started writing down titles of songs I really disliked. Let’s see…Christina, Mariah, Britney, this girl group, that girl group…and then I realized that terrorists, in general, seem to hate the things I like.
I pulled Brother Louie and half a dozen other songs off the list and started replacing them with ones I really like. But I had to keep a few on there that are, for me, well - sorry, John McCain - torture.
Given the choice between listening to some of these tunes (loud and over and over and over again) and twenty-four seconds of waterboarding…well, you can take a look at the list and decide for yourself.
I won’t say which ones they are, but it’s probably like eight of the twenty. Here goes:
20. Copacabana - Barry Manilow
“Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there…”
19. Tom’s Diner - Suzanne Vega
“I am sitting
In the morning
At the diner
On the corner
I am waiting
At the counter
For the man
To pour the coffee
And he fills it
Only halfway…”
18. Brand New Key - Melanie
“I ride my bike, I roller skate, don’t drive no car
Don’t go too fast, but I go pretty far
For somebody who don’t drive
I been all around the world
Some people say, I done all right for a girl…”
17. O Superman - Laurie Anderson
“Hello? Is anybody home? Well, you don’t know me,
But I know you.
And I’ve got a message to give to you.
Here come the planes…”
16. Rag Doll - Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons
“When she was just a kid her clothes were hand me downs
They always laughed at her when she came into town
Called her rag doll, little rag doll
Such a pretty face should be dressed in lace…”
15. Like A Virgin - Madonna
“Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
‘Cause only love can last…”
14. Who Let The Dogs Out? - Baha Men
“Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)”
13. Heart of Gold - Neil Young
“I’ve been to Hollywood
I’ve been to Redwood
I crossed the ocean for a heart of gold
I’ve been in my mind, it’s such a fine line
That keeps me searching for a heart of gold
And I’m getting old…”
12. Lightnin’ Strikes - Lou Christie
“Lightning is striking again
Lightning is striking again
And again and again and again
Lightning is striking again
And again and again and again…”
11. Macarena - Los Del Rio
“When I dance they call me macarena
And the boys they say that Iīm buena
They all want me, they canīt have me
So they all come and dance beside me…”
10. Undercover Angel - Alan O’Day
“Undercover angel, midnight fantasy,
I never had a dream that made sweet love to me.
Undercover angel, answer to my prayer,
You made me know that there’s a love for me out there…”
9. Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
“But don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don’t think it’d understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man…”
8. Gloria - Patti Smith
“Jesus died for somebody’s sins but not mine
Meltin’ in a pot of thieves
Wild card up my sleeve
Thick heart of stone
My sins my own
They belong to me, me
People say beware!
But I don’t care
The words are just
Rules and regulations to me, me…”
7. Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey - Wings
“We’re so sorry Uncle Albert
We’re so sorry if we caused you any pain
We’re so sorry Uncle Albert
But there’s no one left at home
And I believe I’m gonna rain…”
6. Barbie Girl - Aqua
“I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world
Life in plastic, it’s fantastic!
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation
Come on Barbie, let’s go party!”
5. Una Paloma Blanca - Slim Whitman
“Once I had my share of losing
For they locked me on a chain,
Yes they tried to break my power
Oh I still can feel the pain…”
4. The Happiest Girl In The Whole U.S.A. — Donna Fargo
“Now shine on me sunshine
Walk with me world
It’s a skippity-doo-dah day
I’m the happiest girl, in the whole U.S.A…”
3. People Who Died — The Jim Carroll Band
“G-berg and Georgie let their gimmicks go rotten
So they died of hepatitis in upper Manhattan
Sly in Vietnam took a bullet in the head
Bobby OD’d on Drano on the night that he was wed
They were two more friends of mine
Two more friends that died…”
2. Afternoon Delight - Starlight Vocal Band
“Thinkin’ of you’s workin’ up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight.
Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite
And the thought of rubbin’ you is getting so exciting.
Sky rockets in flight…”
1. Seasons In The Sun — Terry Jacks
“Goodbye my friend, it’s hard to die,
When all the birds are singing in the sky,
Now that the spring is in the air.
Pretty girls are everywhere.
When you see them I’ll be there.
We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time…”
I truly believe a couple of these would have pushed Khalid Sheikh Mohammed right over the edge. “Go ahead, kill my children! They will see Allah before I see him! But please, in the name of the Prophet (peace be upon him), please do not force me to listen to that “skippity-doo-dah” song again! I swear on the graves of my children I will tell you everything I know!”
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