Time for a Loogy…or two…or three
Writing by treason on Saturday, 22 of July , 2006 at 6:19 pm
I haven’t awarded anyone a Loogy in a long time, so I think I should hand out a few today. The first Loogy shall be awarded to the group of anti-gay protesters in Riga, Latvia. I don’t care if it’s Charles Manson or a crowd of book-burning Aryans - one just doesn’t hurl feces or eggs at anyone. An egg could become a perfectly fine chicken or part of a lovely omelette. It’s criminal to waste a good egg by lobbing it at someone’s head. And it’s never appropriate to fling feces at anyone. Especially if you’re trying to make the point that you aren’t related to baboons. Tossing offensive objects at people because you disagree with them only suggests that you are incapable of supporting your alternate position. Go out and buy some poster board and markers, make some signs, and be prepared to debate. If you can’t do that, then stay home, and write a letter to the editor.
Next!
A loogy to the couple of the year — Stephanie Voskanian, 31, and Oshin Grigorian, 35 — arrested as suspects in the assault and battery of 75-year-old Pedro Dorado, a parking lot attendant in Burbank, California. Actually, Mr. Dorado was a parking lot attendant in Burbank. After the dispute over a $5 parking fee, which resulted in a severe head injury, coma, and death for Mr. Dorado, Ms. Voskanian remains eight months pregnant — Mr. Dorado is just remains.
And one more to hock…
“You’ll eat when your father gets home! From his business trip two weeks from now.”
Police in Wichita, Kansas discovered two little girls in a basement, malnourished and severely emaciated. Their two step-siblings upstairs were quite well-fed and looked nothing like concentration camp survivors. “Stepmom” has been taken in for questioning; dad will be interrogated when he gets back from his business trip. Whenever that is.
Stay tuned for more Loogys - coming soon!
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