The Voice of Treason

Amanece, lo veis?, a la luz de la aurora?
lo que tanto aclamamos la noche al caer?

As I was driving to the airport the other night to pick up T, I found myself reading street signs - streets with Spanish names - and translating them into English. “Wait a minute,” I said to myself. “How is it that I suddenly know so much Spanish?”

I discovered the answer yesterday when T and I made a trip to the local home improvement store. (Not Casa - er, Home Depot - it was the other one.) The store is completely bilingual. Every sign is in two languages, every package has product information in two languages. I’ve been seeing this in several stores - spatterings of it, really - but in the home improvement world, it’s English with Spanish subtitles on everything.

I really can’t tell you when this happened. All I know is that one day I was in Walgreens looking at mascara and I noticed all the signage was in Spanish. Then I walked the dogs past a new auto parts store and saw that all the signs in the windows were in Spanish. I imagine this is happening in other parts of the country and not just here in Nuevo - er, I mean New - Mexico. See what I mean?

Local talk radio has been focusing on this all week. It started as debate over the Spanish version of the national anthem, then ended up as a discussion of whether or not we should provide voters with ballots in Spanish and allow people at the polls to “assist” those who can’t read English.

My state still hasn’t crossed that bridge to the 21st Century. When I lived in California, ballots were printed in several languages: Vietnamese, Chinese, Spanish, Tagalog, Japanese, Korean, Hindi…maybe even Farsi, Dari, Punjabi, Khmer, Hindi…well, you get the idea. The Department of Motor Vehicles also provided printed material in a variety of languages. (And, strangely enough, Californians still can’t drive. But…to be fair…compared to drivers here…oh, don’t get me started.)

This can be debated on many levels, like use of taxpayer dollars, resistance to assimilation, and corruption of the political system. One party can easily manipulate voters who are unable to engage in public debate in English. Poll workers of one party who are in the booth “assisting” the voters can easily mislead them. In any language, we call this “cheating.”

What chaps my hide is that it’s clear that these voters who require assistance have not only not taken the time to learn the language, but haven’t even prepared themselves for the election by familiarizing themselves with the issues. Is this the first time they’ve seen the ballot? And what’s really tragic is that they have to depend on a stranger - a poll worker - to help them vote. They have no family or friends to help them study the ballot? Like I said, there are many levels here worthy of debate.

On local talk, a caller explained that a lot of the older Hispanic voters are functionally illiterate and need help reading the ballot regardless of language. I don’t think it’s just a problem with older Hispanic voters. I’ve been driving past an enormous, expensive-looking, professionally printed sign for weeks and even though I hadn’t actually read it, something about it was bothering me. I made sure I looked at it more closely the last time I was passing by. Ah. That’s what it was. They’re building a new shopping center. The sign prefaces this tidbit with:

“Comming soon!”

T and I bought a Rayovac lantern so he could locate that swamp cooler leak in the attic/crawlspace. It’s a “flourescent” lantern. That’s what the package says. I can’t remember the last time I saw a fluorescent one. I don’t think they make those anymore.

It seems like the only time anyone gets agitated over a misspelled word around here is when someone writes about our native green pepper or it appears on a menu and shows up as “chili” instead of “chile.” You can be executed in this state for that.

I’m starting to wonder, what with all the misspellings I’m seeing on TV and in print, if everything that’s being printed in Spanish is misspelled, too. Illiterate in one language is bad enough; it’s criminal to be illiterate in two.

Paul Harvey says if you’re hanging on to the language from the place you left to come here, it’s like having the picture of your first wife in the bedroom of your second. I say being illiterate in any language is like shooting your first wife and setting the second one on fire. Which is worse?

T had been visiting a friend of ours who moved to a small town outside of Kansas City, and I stayed here with the dogs and enjoyed some of the most perfect weather ever. I was walking the dogs, morning and evening, marveling at the blue skies, cool breezes, and intoxicating fragrance of Russian Olive and other plants in the neighborhood. T gets back into town and all that goes to hell.

We spent yesterday on swamp cooler maintenance. I’d expected our system to give up the ghost two years ago, so the thing’s been on borrowed time. Last year it started leaking and damaged the ceiling. It seems that every time we decide to work on an outdoor project, the weather turns. Suddenly it was hot, and then the winds started. It was the mother of all dust storms.

Of course, I told myself. I just vacuumed and dusted the inside of the house and swept outside. Now everything will be covered with sand. The winds accelerated and soon they were blowing at over sixty miles per hour. We watched our youngest tree, an ash, bend and almost touch the ground. When you tell people that there are dust storms so intense that they make the 10,000 foot mountain range disappear, they say you’re lying. Not only did the mountains disappear, but so did everything two houses away. The swamp cooler had been working for a few minutes, then stopped. The wind killed it.

Woke up this morning to see news coverage of houses in Northern Texas reduced to refuse. Tornadoes came through and turned brick homes to rubble and trees to kindling. Here, we took the dogs for a walk around a nearby apartment complex and saw a number of trees on their sides, branches strewn everywhere. In some neighborhoods, power lines fell and so did some structures. In our yard, only one butterfly bush got slightly battered, but abuse doesn’t faze butterfly bushes. They actually seem to enjoy it.

Forbes and Kiplinger’s gave our little town high marks this week, and when I heard that I said it proves one thing: no one from the staff of either publication has ever actually been here. Some things look much better on paper than they do in reality. One word describes the dust storms we have here: Iraq.

But after seeing what’s left of Anna and Westminster, I’ll take sand blowing in my face any day. Saves on toothpaste.

Who says George W. Bush doesn’t care about the environment? When I was driving through the area around the university on my way to work I always saw signs that read:

“Attack Iraq? NO!“

I was just going through the same area the other day (on my way to pick up the text books I’d ordered) and saw signs that read:

“Attack Iran? NO!“

This means that these people didn’t have to spend any time, energy, and money creating new signs. They just had to alter one letter. How convenient is that? Obviously Bush is thinking about conserving our resources and I, for one, appreciate it.

Maybe I’m just getting a little tired of hearing about rich Republicans who get up every morning, rub their money-grubbing palms together, and ask, “How many resources can I squander today?” What is this claptrap about only Liberals being “mindful” enough to practice conservation? I grew up with a woman who whacked me across the head every time I reached for a paper towel. Don’t lecture me about conservation.

Before we moved out here eleven years ago, a coworker who’d moved out before us warned that we were going to be in for an unpleasant surprise. He and his wife, like us, had two dogs and a piece of property that was essentially the same size as ours.

“Our water bill is steep.”

“What’s steep?”

“It’s over a hundred dollars every month.”

“That’s steep.”

I immediately went into panic mode. It was bad enough that interest rates were going up every ten minutes and we were trying to lock into a rate that wouldn’t bankrupt us, but now we were going to move into a house where we could never shower, bathe, do laundry, make coffee, or grow plants.

This state has been in drought mode ever since we moved here, yet I have managed to keep clean, water the yard, and stay hydrated without breaking the bank. I admit I don’t spend time in the garden tub that I thought I’d be spending most of my life in, surrounded by fragrant bubbles, but I do keep a lot of plants around it and they seem to enjoy it very much. The light is quite good, so it’s become like The Day of the Triffids in there. We may have to put an addition on the house for that rubber plant.

I don’t let water run for no reason. When I water the yard, I do it by hand — I don’t flip a switch and let all the water ooze down the street. I have a veritable jungle in the desert, but the plants have learned to live with drought because not only am I stingy with water, but it hasn’t rained here since the Clinton administration. (I’m certain Bill has taken credit for that, too.)

All I’m saying is that I don’t waste a lot of water. My monthly bill has increased considerably since moving here, what with all the rate increases and now with the amount of my mother’s laundry, but it’s currently in the twenty-nine, thirty dollar range. Considering what others are paying, I’m not about to complain. But I am tempted to ask…uh, how much water are they using? Am I conserving just so they can use the water I’m not?

I reuse, I recycle, I don’t generate a lot of landfill. I don’t crank up the heat in the winter, drive around aimlessly, or waste food. In short, I’m sacrificing so others may squander. Why? It’s not like I’m saving the planet for my children - I don’t have any.

I might just start getting a little bitter and resentful here. And then one of these days I’m going to get really pissed off, move that rubber plant to another room, and take a bubble bath. Be warned.

I used yesterday to sweep up spent locust blossoms only to have the wind come along and stir up even more. Maintaining a garden in the desert is a lot like fencing. One must master the “back-and-forth” nature of this endeavor in order to be successful. I swept. The wind blew. I swept. The wind blew again. I put down my broom and picked up a beer, then sat and watched C-SPAN.

For me, politics is also like fencing. For instance, if you are being attacked, your chances of safety and success will be better if you stop the attack before launching your own attack. Those who appear on debate programs should pay attention. Debating is fencing. You move forward - a parry here, a parry there - and then your opponent moves forward. Back and forth. If you don’t follow these simple rules you lose the sense of fencing and what you’re left with, essentially, is a rumble. Think switchblades under a viaduct. It just isn’t going to end well.

Those who debate can parry all day long, but what’s important is that moment when one uses his whole being to move forward confidently and strike. Stretch, lunge, your point is felt. The problem with political debate these days is that it’s all parry and rumble. Where is the grace? The riposte? The beat? The derobement? The advance and lunge?

I watched coverage of Wednesday’s bout in the British House of Commons. Tony Blair v. David Cameron. Labour v. Conservatives. This was the Wednesday before elections so it was particularly interesting. It was like fencing. Parry, parry, advance and lunge! It was fierce, yet civil. And there was a degree of humor that is sorely lacking in our own House and Senate. In fact, Blair ended with a real zinger, then made a face that indicated that he might have taken liberties and offended someone, but who cares? He made his point.

On Q & A, Brian Lamb interviewed Sean Wilentz - professor of History at Princeton and author of The Rise of American Democracy. He started by noting that the book was reviewed in The Weekly Standard and there wasn’t one negative to be found. How, Lamb asked, could a publication that couldn’t possibly agree with your political positions, give you such a glowing review?

Probably for the same reason I didn’t throw the remote at the TV screen when Lamb asked Wilentz to elaborate on the article in Rolling Stone that detailed how George W. Bush might end up the worst president in history. Occasionally I’ll find myself reading the blogs of university professors. The misinformation and vitriol doesn’t bother me - it’s expected - but what does have me mortified are the rampant misspellings and grammatical errors.

I listened to Wilentz and was riveted. It’s clear he has a love of history and literature and understands how the two are so entwined. When he described how he teaches a course on Moby Dick, I drooled. It’s important, he said, to read a work like that slowly. Students are expected to read a lot and read it quickly. Some things must be savored.

The man comes across as thoughtful and fair. He laid out his argument against Bush, but made valid points and was careful to add that things could easily change and Bush might end up one of the best. His mind was open to that concept. I welcome debate like this. He takes a position, supports it, is civil and fair, then considers the other side and another outcome. And here is where we agree: Debate is good, and we should be able to do it in a civil manner. Like fencing.

Then I watched Rudy Giuliani speaking in Iowa on behalf of Jim Nussle. It appears Rudy is advancing; we’re just waiting for him to lunge. I could support a Giuliani presidency. For the same reasons I got so excited over John Bolton’s encounter with Dennis Kucinich the other day.

KUCINICH: Have you ever heard of that report?

BOLTON: I’d never heard of the report, I never read the article, nor do I intend to.

KUCINICH: Do you have any interest as to whether or not — as the U.S. Ambassador, you don’t have any interest as to whether or not U.S. Marines are actually operating in Iran right now?

BOLTON: I said I had not heard of the report and I didn’t intend to read the article in “The New Yorker.”

KUCINICH: If I gave you this article right now, walked it over, would you look at it?

BOLTON: I don’t think so, honestly, Congressman, because I don’t have time to read much fiction.

Zow-wee! Oooh, it was a zinger, just like Blair’s, but better because I’m certain Bolton didn’t make any kind of face after he said it. Advance, lunge! Same with Dick Cheney this week. The VP was criticized for remarks he made about Dubya’s soulmate, Vlad. It seemed positive enough at first, what with Bush saying he looked into Putin’s eyes and saw the man’s soul; what he didn’t say, unfortunately, was that Putin’s soul so closely resembled that picture Dorian Gray had tucked away in the spare room.

Bush isn’t going to come out and say that his friend Vlad is a little weasel who can’t be trusted, so it’s up to Dick Cheney to throw down that gauntlet. It’s like John Bolton. No one wants to come out and say that the U.N. is a disaster and that Mahmoud is a nutjob. Bolton will. Advance, lunge! Clean and neat. Steeee-rike!

Later FNC aired a special on Rumsfeld. Now he’s someone who knows all about fencing. Advance, lunge! It’s like when Giuliani returned “the check” after 9/11. Advance, lunge!

What all these men have in common is clear. They’re smart and they know their stuff. They aren’t afraid to take a position, then stand by it. They aren’t careful about saying the wrong thing - they don’t pussyfoot around and they don’t mince words. Sometimes they’ll say something that will make me gasp…then cheer. They say things I want to hear, hope to hear, but know I’ll never hear from anyone in politics. Then they say it. Advance, lunge!

Smart, bold, and funny. In fencing, that might be called “an attack on the blade.” It confuses the opponent. All these men have a wicked sense of humor and it serves them well. I want to see more people in positions of power who are smart, bold, and have a sense of humor.

Like I said, it’s like fencing. Sure, there’s a lot of “fencing” in politics today, but what I’m seeing is the stuff that our politicians are either straddling or sitting on. What I want more of is the bold, graceful, aggressive movements of someone advancing with blade in hand.

It’s kinda like when an actress drops her drawers on a beach, then complains when a photographer snaps her picture and it ends up on the front page of some tabloid. You would think there isn’t a star in Hollywood who is actually able to leave his or her mansion to go out and mix with us commoners. Odd, but people like Christopher Walken manage to work in film and have quiet, obscure lives. Why is that?

The only reason I mention the privacy issue is that people seem to want it but won’t put any effort into it. Here’s an example. Students at the University of Colorado in Boulder assemble every April 20 at 4:20 PM to stage a protest (the annual “420 Party”). They believe they have the right to use cannabis and that it’s a private choice so the authorities have no right to meddle. Fine. The students light up big fat ones, oblivious to the cameras that are pointed in their direction. They want privacy and they want to be able to smoke hemp without legal intervention. But what good is a protest if no one knows about it? Of course they want media coverage to get their message out there. But when their pictures are taken, and they’re lighting up big fat joints in public, it makes the school look bad. This is, after all, still an illegal activity. So the school has posted the students’ photos on a website and is threatening to punish them.

Similarly, the illegals who were out in the streets, proudly explaining to anyone with a camera that they were in our country illegally and had no intention of adhering to our immigration laws, are now complaining that it would be a violation of their privacy for authorities to look at their images, track them down, and prosecute them. It’s amazing how illegals are entitled to so many rights. Silly me, I thought the whole point of becoming a citizen was to be able to have access to those rights and privileges. Why bother with citizenship when you can reap the benefits without paying the price? (Uh, like coughing up taxes, learning the language, and buying health and auto insurance.)

If I flew to Vegas tomorrow and sat at a Blackjack table, there would be a camera on me. If I stopped in at a convenience store to buy a Slurpee, there would be a camera on me. At busy intersections in my city, I’d better brake for that yellow light because there’s a camera on me. I have no freaking privacy out there.

The only people it seems who have an issue with getting their pictures taken are the ones who would strip on a beach, attempt to cheat at cards at a casino, hold up a cashier at a 7-Eleven, or run a red light. Or smoke an illegal substance in public or boast on national TV that they’ve broken a country’s immigration laws.

A word of advice. If you want privacy, do whatever questionable activity you’re doing in private. R.I.P. Discretion is dead in America.

You know, that place where all those white illegals came from? It appears that our friends across the pond are lurching a tad to the right. Italy just lurched left again (big - yawn - surprise) and I had planned to show my disdain by boycotting Italian eyeglass frames. Made a point last week of deliberately looking at ones made in other corners of the earth…until T handed me a few by Valentino and Versace to try on. I don’t know if it’s genetic, but Italian frames are just better on my particular head. Sigh. Had to go with the “paisan” eyewear again.

Let’s see. South Americans and Spaniards are leaning left; Germans, Canadians, and Australians are leaning right. Which way will the French swing? Pundits expect American voters to make a sharp left turn this November, but it’s still early. Now just look at the Brits. Who woulda thunk anyone over there would support the BNP?

There’s a “new” guy over there and he’s young and telegenic. Some think David Cameron might just put the Conservatives back in power again. He seems a bit “wobbly” to me: less of a Thatcher or Reagan and more of a Bush. He sounds a bit…uh, “compassionate.” English citizens must be taking a hard look at what’s going on across the Channel and deciding that they still don’t want to be French, so maybe his party does have a shot.

I wouldn’t mind a young, telegenic Conservative over on this side of the pond, actually. Arlen Specter has announced that the Republican Party is made up of Moderates now (read: Liberals) and I can’t say that’s a good thing. Arlen’s always been in that camp, but if Republicans are looking to win elections, they’d better clarify where they stand and it better be in a different spot than their opponents.

I vote, and when I vote I like to see clear differences between parties and issues. A Netanyahu-type. Someone with conviction, someone who doesn’t waver, someone who doesn’t mince words. If a candidate emerges who has the garbanzos to explain where he or she stands without pandering or fear of being unpopular, and takes positions that are not “easy” but right, then that’s who’ll get my vote.

It’s not like it’s worth much these days, but it’s the only one I’ve got.

Shoot, and I’d planned to say something about the local elections in Britain, but I guess that will wait. Just heard that Porter Goss has resigned. For those of you who attend government schools, that would be our Director of Central Intelligence. The buzz is that no one knows why he’s leaving, so that means there has to be a scandal brewing. Maybe he’s addicted to Ambien. Just kidding. Actually, I know why he’s leaving. He’s just sick to death of being around all those rabid Clintonites in the CIA - like yesterday’s celeb du jour who attacked Rumsfeld and called him a liar. Again proving that free speech is for some, not for all.

So what’s the big deal about Goss? What - is this France? Do people really expect to be in the same jobs for their entire lives? (Ted Kennedy and auto workers aside.) Now it would just be terrible if this Goss story took the focus off of the important issues of the day. No, not Patrick Kennedy and his drinking problems - it’s Cinco de Mayo, silly geese!

Why, in some parts, the fifth of May is a bigger deal than Independence Day! (For those of you in government schools, that would be the day they call “the fourth of July.”) May is becoming quite the month. We start out strong with May Day - which will probably continue to serve as some other radical issue-driven day, like the one without immigrants - and then there’s today: Cinco de Mayo. Next week’s Mother’s Day. Why? Cuz dads suck.

The really big one is at the end of the month and we have a whole weekend to celebrate. You know, Memorial Day? The day that we remember because…because…oh, because of killer bargains at K-Mart! Soon to replace Christmas, dontcha know.

It’s clear the Kennedys are getting a pass again. Don’t want to rehash family history here point by point, but I think it’s fair to say that if JFK hadn’t splattered all over Jackie’s suit, the story of the Kennedys would be quite different today.

It’s difficult to convince anyone that Caroline’s dad made any mistakes during his administration and that if he hadn’t been assassinated he might have been impeached. When so many Americans are preoccupied with hand wringing over a war and a hurricane, yet can’t locate either Iraq or Louisiana on a map - or, hell, even the state they live in - then it’s probably pointless to try to have an honest conversation about the Kennedy clan.

Um, can you say “intervention now?” I mean, I don’t mean to nitpick, but this smells like another cover-up and that’s not going to help Patrick. The media wasted no time excoriating Rush Limbaugh for prescription drug abuse or crucifying Bill Bennett when he was having gambling issues. And wasn’t the press a little too eager to convince us that Dick Cheney’s shooting incident was a result of a liquid lunch?

I’m just asking for a little fairness and balance, that’s all. But there may be a bright side here. I do manage to move off FNC from time to time to monitor coverage on other networks, so I did catch a bit of Anderson Cooper on CNN. He started the story with a line about how this would have significance only for “older viewers.” Oh, Lord. It appears that I’m an “older viewer.” Gee, do I get a discount?

It’s the C-word. I’ve mentioned here before about the time I made a crack about Chappaquiddick and a twenty year-old college student just stared at me, having absolutely no idea what I was talking about. This story, then, will provide some people with a little bit of a history lesson.

But that’s okay. Intelligence in our culture, it seems, is highly overrated. There’s always been the presumption that none of the Kennedys are all that bright and they only have success because dad was a crook who made a lot of cash. This is probably unfair and might just be the reason for the stress that has led to all the alcohol and drug abuse in the family. I mean, it’s just a matter of time before a Kennedy conspires to fly a plane into a building. Would any jury convict?

But are the Kennedys really dim bulbs? I’m no super-genius, but I have sense enough to avoid taking a sleep agent if I’m going to be operating machinery - like a car. Or mixing drugs and alcohol. And - if I’d gained notoriety for an accident that resulted in the drowning death of a young woman - I don’t think I would have named my dog “Splash.” But that’s me.

We can argue the jury’s decision ’til we’re blue in the face, but it all boils down to this: we’re still stuck with this window-licker and it’s going to cost the taxpayers at least $36,000 a year. Oddly enough, this is actually cheaper than assisted living for my mother - I guess it’s because she gets cable.

A lot of well-meaning Americans are patting themselves on the back because an illegal immigrant was somehow entitled to a fair trial and we, nice guys that we Americans are, didn’t kill him. No, instead he will spend the rest of his life in Colorado, far away from people.

Based on the reaction of folks - including politicians, pundits, and many of the 9/11 families - a lifetime away from other human beings doesn’t really sound like punishment to me.

If I can convince a jury that I had a tough childhood, could I score a deal like this?

Bee-lieve me when I say that I actually considered moving to Beeville, Texas. I had a bee in my bonnet over a year ago and I announced that it was time to abandon this state and move to another one. Looked at Kansas, Missouri, North Dakota, North Carolina, and Texas. Since my announcement, friends of ours have relocated to North Carolina, Kansas City, San Antonio, and Austin. We’re still here.

Why Beeville? I like bees, and I thought Beeville sounded like an interesting spot to check out. I went online to research the place. Let’s just say that we didn’t put the house on the market and start packing. Kinda glad now because Beeville was in the news this week.

At a special Commissioners Court meeting (that couldn’t possibly have been all that special considering only a handful of people showed up), there was discussion and action to approve a resolution regarding Bee County citizens to voluntarily refrain from purchasing gasoline from ExxonMobil until gasoline prices have been driven down to at least $1.30 per gallon. The resolution passed 4-1.

Somehow this made national news. Let’s not mince words here. ExxonMobil was targeted because people are pissed off that Exxon CEO Lee Raymond’s retirement package hovered around $400 million and that got a lot of buzz. Exxon also made its biggest profit ever this year, making Wal-Mart look like a bunch of amateurs. Exxon might be the largest oil corporation in the United States but, in Beeville, all three Bee County ExxonMobil stations are owned by the Quiroga family.

If Beeville residents boycott Exxon, Exxon isn’t going to collapse. The people who will be hurt are the family who has run the local businesses for the past 28 years and the 51 employees who work for them.

I don’t harbor any ill feelings towards Mr. Raymond. People like Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, and Julia Roberts pull in a ton of cash and no one seems too bothered by it. What has Paris contributed to the world? What talents does she possess that no one else exhibits? As far as I’m concerned, Lee Raymond did his job. He made money for the company and chances are that was a benefit to employees and to research and development. I’m not losing any sleep over this.

No one cared when the gas companies were struggling and few will care when they struggle again. Just let them enjoy this period before it evaporates. If I lived in Beeville, I wouldn’t boycott the local business because that’s just plain stupid. The sting that people in Bee County should be feeling is the one from politicians who have contributed to the high price of a gallon of gasoline — and then they have the nerve to tell us that they’re working hard to score us a hundred dollar rebate check.

Oh - and don’t forget to include that as income on your tax paperwork next year, ya hear?