The Voice of Treason

During the summer before I left for college, my stepfather volunteered me for a job. A friend of his mother needed a chauffeur/companion and my stepfather thought I would be perfect. His mother died in 1969 and he’d been putting up with her friend for years. He finally saw a break.

The woman had been a schoolteacher. Her plan was to leave her money to her alma mater - a college in Oregon - and every now and then the school’s president would invite her to the campus for a visit and butter her up. A good part of the summer was spent helping her prepare for her trip. I drove her car - a large American sedan - around town to get it out of the garage and moving so it wouldn’t die from neglect. I liked that part of the job. I enjoy older American cars that feel like yachts. Big, comfortable sedans. I think it was a Ford, but it was a long time ago.

Basically I drove her from bank to bank so she could transfer large amounts of money from one account to another. People at the banks were very nice to her and gave her a lot of attention. It was the least they could do. She gave them a lot of money.

She wanted to look nice for her trip. I spent a lot of time driving her to the Stanford Shopping Center. The stores we frequented aren’t there anymore…I’m thinking they were Saks and I. Magnin. She needed some suits. We sat in a room on beautiful sofas and she was brought things to look at and touch. She tried things on. Three or four coiffed women, all in stylish suits and accessories, helped her dress, then stood back and cooed. She soaked up the compliments but criticized everything. They cooed even more.

She picked out a few suits to be altered, then chose a handbag. I remember it. Black patent leather. It was so shiny…and so expensive. Even today I’d have to think long and hard before I spent that much on a purse. A few days later I drove her back to the mall to return it. She was high maintenance and unpleasant, but I liked the shopping trips. These were stores that looked good and smelled good: I figured there were worse ways to spend the summer.

At the end of the day, we’d pull into her garage and her neighbor would be there to greet us. He’d always try to engage her in conversation, but she’d cut him off. He pulled her weeds and clipped her hedges, always offering to look at the car or run errands or help with the yard. He’d bring her food (”The wife always cooks extra!”) and stop by with little gifts. I could tell that he kept an eye on her and her property. He was warm, friendly, kind. When I mentioned that he seemed like a good person, she bristled.

“That dumb dago?”

Then I bristled. I’m not black, so I don’t know what it’s like for a black person to hear words like “nigger” or “boy.” Which is worse? I’m a white female, but I hear “boy” and the hairs on my neck stand up. I feel heat in my cheeks and on the tops of my ears. Is that what they feel? Whatever that feeling is, I felt it when I heard her call her neighbor a dumb dago. Was it the dago part, or the dumb part that had me edgy?

“My mother’s Italian.”

She didn’t say anything. I figured she knew that already and I suspected that she resented the fact that my stepfather married her. Now that he was busy with a new family he had less time to spend on her. Okay, she’s spiteful. I can deal with that.

I suppose I could have refused to put up with her. I don’t think my parents would have forced me to continue working for her if I’d protested. But I decided instead to be patient and kind, and I was determined to be the best chauffeur/companion I could be, even though I really wanted to put a pillow over her face.

By the end of the summer I suspected she had developed a certain fondness for me. She asked me before I left if she could brush my hair. I let her, and wondered what it would be like if she had been kinder to her neighbor. The dumb dago.

As I’ve said a million times before, Italians were lynched when they showed up here and the only people who were happy to see them were the Irish. Every group has their crack at being kicked around and the Irish were happy to let the Italians take some of the abuse so they could have a break. Italians were Catholic and “not quite white” so they were fair game.

I think it’s interesting that I live in a state in which the Hispanics have had ancestors for centuries. A friend says she can trace her family’s roots back more than five hundred years. Yet she’s considered a minority and ethnic. My mother’s family, by comparison, are newbies. So my question is this: When did Italians stop being ethnic? I’ve wondered this for years, but it was Ann Coulter who finally asked. Everyone wants women and minorities on the Supreme Court. Why isn’t Antonin Scalia considered ethnic? After all, Nino’s dad was an immigrant. A dago.

Scalia. Charming, colorful, outrageous, and brilliant. One bio states:

“Once, after a long tirade concluding that affirmative action constituted the most evil fruit of a fundamentally bad seed, a slightly offended Sandra Day O’Connor expressed her displeasure with the comment: ‘But, Nino, if it weren’t for affirmative action, I wouldn’t be here.’”

Ah, now here we are virtually replacing O’Connor with a white male, prompting Chuck Schumer to complain that this court doesn’t “look like America.” Excuse me? The white male you’re referring to is one vowel away from a former San Francisco mayor. Sam Alito’s roots are Italian and you’re saying that Italian roots aren’t American? I know revisionists have rewritten the story of Columbus, but don’t tell me that the court now looks less like America because Alito’s (going to be) on it.

And then Chris Matthews charged Howard Dean and the Democrats for hinting that Alito - or “Scalito” as they like to refer to him - is soft on the mob and maybe even has mob connections. The Left is scurrying around now, slamming Matthews for his remarks. I’ve heard both sides. I just want to hear something from Geraldine Ferraro.

(Incidentally, good call on Alito. Bill Kristol had predicted the nomination and both he and Charles Krauthammer look like they just had the best martini of their lives. Charles even admitted to being “a pretty happy guy.” Watch out, Dems. The Right is ready for battle.)

I am a Cubs fan, so there’s a masochistic streak running through me that I can’t deny. I landed on C-SPAN and saw Bill Clinton yesterday. Ordinarily I’d switch him off immediately, but I sensed that the 2008 campaign is underway and I wanted to hear his pitch for re-entry to The Oval Orifice. I guess FNC was listening, too, but they heard something very different. When I tuned in this morning they were all a buzz about Bill’s criticism of the Democratic Party. Funny, that’s not what I heard at all.

No, what I heard was the usual “I was just trying to do my job as president for the American people when those mean Republicans came along and kept me from doing what I needed to do to fix all the problems of the last 200 years for the folks.” Then he thanked one of the mean Republicans - Laura Bush - for inviting him to speak (and speak, and speak, and speak) at the Texas Book Festival.

“I’m grateful to Laura Bush for asking me to come down to do this, which was a hazardous undertaking for her since I’m of political persuasions that I am in one of the few friendly places I can be in Texas to say all the stuff I’ve got to say.”

An hour and a half went by. But what FNC heard - and other news outlets reported — was Bill criticizing the Dems. What Bill actually said was:

“You can’t say, ‘Please don’t be mean to me. Please let me win sometimes.’ Give me a break here. If you don’t want to fight for the future and you can’t figure out how to beat these people, then find something else to do.”

Translation (and what I heard): The Democrats aren’t winning because they’re just too nice. They can’t be as mean as the Republicans. They just aren’t as good at launching personal attacks and destroying people. They need to stand up and be heard and stop being so civil. They need to save the American people from the mean Republicans.

To my ear, that’s not a criticism of Democrats; instead, it’s the usual Clinton attack on Republicans. Again, he did nothing wrong, the Republicans just made stuff up and were out to get him. Mean, mean Republicans.

Bill’s on the campaign trail. But I will give him credit on something. He did say that Democrats have to talk openly about hot-button issues like abortion. On this point, I agree with him. My “stop the muzzling” theory applies here. T walks out of the room when a political debate turns into two people shouting over each other. Where is the real debate? The real discussion of issues? I long for the days of Firing Line. And here’s Bill Bennett trying to speak honestly about something and he’s vilified.

I want the Democrats to state their positions. I want to hear their plans. I want them to explain their vision. I’m waiting.

Happy Diwali, indeed. Woke up this morning to hear that there was a terrorist attack in India. New Delhi specifically. The usual suspect is Pakistan, but I think they have bigger fish to fry right now. Over a million of them are homeless because of Mother Nature.

So when Mansoor Ijaz said that he wouldn’t be surprised that Iran might be the culprit, something sounded right about that. I’m not saying that Iranian terrorists just set off three bombs in New Delhi, but I am saying that if we found out that they did I wouldn’t be surprised.

I keep hearing that Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with September 11 and that we shouldn’t be in Iraq. Whenever I defend Israel I’m told that Israel has nothing to do with us. When a bomb explodes in London or Madrid or Bali it has nothing to do with us. And now I’m hearing that what’s happening in Iran has nothing to do with us.

It’s like when Adolf Hitler was incinerating millions of Jews. People said it had nothing to do with us. Well, it appears there’s a new Hitler on the world stage and, as much as I hate to disappoint my Liberal friends, it’s not George Bush.

Speaking of wanting something to be over so we can focus on something else, when is this going to be over so we can focus on something else? I don’t want to get into a discussion of Joseph Wilson because he’s taking up more than enough space elsewhere. And because he has his own credibility issues and soon his fifteen minutes will pass.

I’m disappointed that Lewis Libby has resigned and no one has yet heard if Valerie Plame was actually outed by anyone other than her spouse. If memory serves, Hillary and Bill were unable to recall, recount, remember and got their facts mixed up and I was skeptical. Now Libby has gotten the facts wrong about conversations that happened two years ago and the media and Democrats want him to suffer.

I’m sympathetic, not just because I’m partisan and because I really like the man, but because I got up to make coffee this morning and couldn’t find it. I had to stand there at the kitchen counter and try to remember what had happened twenty-four hours earlier. I had beans and a grinder. There was a plastic container. T was in the kitchen getting breakfast for the dogs. He was a witness. I know there was grinding. I put the ground coffee in the container. Where is it if it’s not in the refrigerator?

I tell you, I was at a loss. I’d been distracted because one of the dogs wasn’t showing interest in breakfast and that only means illness. I must have been preoccupied with that and spaced the coffee. No, I’m sure I ground the beans. Retrace steps. Open cabinet where I have never ever stored coffee. Ah, there it is.

Well, I am at that age. But what got me really thinking about this Libby thing is what happened later. We took the dogs for a walk and stopped at the vet to weigh them. T took one in, then the other. Maybe three minutes passed. I asked how much our male dog weighed and T hesitated. He’s not at that age and he’d already forgotten something that happened three minutes earlier. If I’d asked him what the dog weighed three years ago, I would have expected some hesitation, but three minutes?

The Democrats have pretty much blamed September 11 on the Right because they think if Bill Clinton hadn’t been hounded over the little matter of perjury, he would have been able to do his job and concentrate on terrorism. It’s a stretch, but here we are in the middle of a war on terror and Lewis Libby is a key player, and now he’s gone. Dems aren’t too concerned about any security issues that might stem from pulling a perfectly capable employee out of his job.

But here I must agree with the Dems’ complaint about focusing on some seemingly unimportant matters while bigger issues are forming. We get bogged down by stuff like this. When I heard that Harriet Miers went to the White House Wednesday night to talk to the president about withdrawing her name, two things bothered me. One was that I’d just heard that there was going to be a revised questionnaire sent to the committee - the same time she was jumping ship? But worse, she was going to the White House to meet with the president just as Game 4 of the World Series was getting underway. Now maybe I shouldn’t assume that George and Laura (and Barney and Miss Beazley) were settling in to watch, but I can’t help think that they would be. And I’d think Harriet would be watching, too. How often does Texas send a team to the series?

I can dwell on something like this for weeks. And while I’m dwelling on this, terrible things could be happening. Houseplants could be dying from lack of water. The toilet could be leaking and rotting the woodwork in the guest bathroom. My tires might be going flat. The list goes on.

We focus on 2000 soldiers dying in Iraq but don’t care that 80,000 people in Pakistan were buried under rubble or 275,000 were washed away by a big ass wave last Christmas. We wring our hands over Katrina but, as far as anyone knows, Wilma was just Fred’s wife. It doesn’t take much to take our eye off the ball. And when you take your eye off the ball, what happens? You generally get beaned.

Maybe we tend to focus on one thing. My friend Louise admits to being a one issue voter. For her it’s abortion. She’s Catholic and pro-life, so she will vote for any candidate who is. She voted for George Bush. He might not reform Social Security before he leaves office, but that’s not going to make her regret voting for him. He’s where she wants him to be on her particular issue. I’m not a one issue voter, but I do like to keep my major issues focused on two or three areas. When the Republicans asked me to tell them what issues I thought were most important and presented me with a long list to choose from, I felt I had to narrow them down to three. I call them “the three Ts.”

Tax reform has always been a big one for me. I have been dreaming about a fair or flat tax for as long as I can remember and hoping for major tax reform for as long as I’ve been paying taxes. And that’s forever. At least it feels that way.

One of the things I always liked about Dan Quayle is that he liked to talk about tort reform. For me, the term tort reform encompasses a whole slew of things that generally make me dislike lawyers. Senseless regulations, ridiculous lawsuits, bizarre rulings, bad judges, SCOTUS, ACLU, malpractice - the list is long.

The third, and most important issue, is terrorism. Frankly, it doesn’t matter if I’m dealing with taxation without representation or that the justice system is depriving me of justice if my city has been blown off the map. People look at me like I’m weird and paranoid for worrying about terrorism because I don’t live in New York, Los Angeles, or D.C. Those who live in my state are convinced that terrorism won’t affect them because no terrorist would want to bother with us. These are the same people who felt that what happened on September 11 really didn’t have too much effect on them because it was something that happened in New York. And D.C. And that other place. That P state.

I took my mother to the doctor yesterday and got into a conversation with a WW II vet. He asked me if I was a Liberal. I said no. Good, he said. We can talk. Just as he was asking for my opinion about Iraq, they called my mother’s name. I think I would have told him that I feel we have to get Iraq up to speed so they can help us straighten out Iran. While we’re here celebrating Fitzmas, the president of Iran is calling for Israel to be wiped off the planet. Iranians are chanting “Death to America” and burning American and Israeli flags. And the U.N. is virtually silent.

At least Tony Blair seems bothered by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s desire to annihilate Jews. I’d like to thank him for noticing and pointing out that this is unacceptable. Anyone else care to speak up?

Bill “Disappointed, Depressed, and Demoralized” Kristol is now relieved, renewed, and revitalized. But I wonder how George Will is feeling today. Baseball season’s over, the Chicago White Sox - not the Cubs - have won the World Series, and Harriet Miers has withdrawn from S.C.O.T.U.S. consideration. I imagine he’s not feeling too bad: baseball will return in the spring, Harriet’s gone, and if the two Sox teams can do it, there’s hope for the North Siders. It might just take some time. The White Sox won in 1917, the year Harry Caray was born and a postage stamp cost three cents. I see a day when the Cubs will win the series…but a postage stamp then might cost three bucks.

When I was watching the longest game in World Series history the other night, I felt myself starting to fade. “Poor Barbara Bush,” I said. “She must be exhausted. It’s getting so late.” At some point I think I saw that her seat was empty. I’m not positive because I was losing consciousness after the 12th inning. But I was fully awake when the game finally ended.

Last night I sat to watch Game 4. “There’s Barbara Bush! She’s back!” I heard T at the computer mumbling. “She never left.” He may be right. It was a long night for everyone and then it all ended a few hours later. The series is over, the city of Chicago is intact, and the Killer Bs had their shot at it.

Now we can focus on something else. And so it is like the Miers nomination. It’s over, and now we can focus on something else.

Quite simply, the problem is that the Houston Astros are playing like the Chicago Cubs. Bee-lieve me - I know what I’m talking about because I’ve seen it again and again and again.

Bill Murray said it doesn’t matter if you’re a Cubs fan - you have to support the Sox because you’re supporting Chicago. I mentioned this to Bob when he was here over the weekend. Bob, too, is from Chicago and he agrees with Bill.

Sorry, it doesn’t work that way. But I’ll be happy for the Sox fans because their team is playing some very good baseball and have waited a long time to win a series. But I hope the Cubs are watching and taking notes. You have to take advantage of opportunities to win games. It doesn’t matter if you get runners on base. The idea is that they have to come home. You can’t strand everyone and expect to score.

So, in a way, it’s like watching the Cubs in the World Series. Watch the fans. They know it, too.

Bar’s Boy

The most interesting thing about the coverage of Hurricane Wilma was the number of times the name “Jeb Bush” and the word “leadership” were spoken in the same sentence.

Civil Rights or Civil Rudeness?

Rosa Parks has died. Her refusal to give up her seat to a white man got her arrested and sparked a movement. Now, fifty years later, it’s rare for anyone to give up a seat for anyone, anywhere. We’ve come a long way.

Follow the Money

Christopher Hitchens must be smiling to himself. George “The Guttersnipe” Galloway has been implicated in the Oil-for-Food scandal. Lickspittle, indeed.

1996…1998…2000!

The media was Johnny-on-the-spot when tallying the number of dead American soldiers this week. What they haven’t mentioned is that there was recently an election in Iraq and some of us would like to know how it ended up. Could you put down the calculators for five minutes and give us some numbers as they pertain to election results?

Oh, say - can you see?

When did we start telling people to “please rise and remove your caps” before the National Anthem? Wasn’t there a time when we did that automatically?

A couple months ago I heard Paul Harvey say that Chicago was the most dog friendly city in America. Not surprising. I’d also heard at one time that Oklahoma had more dog owners than any other state. When I heard this week that my city was ranked in the top ten for dog friendly, I had to question what dog friendly really means.

I know we have a lot of dogs here. In California I’d walk through neighborhoods and on almost every front porch there was a cat. Here, I don’t see many cats. But it’s unusual to pass a house and not hear at least one dog bark. We have dog parks. Restaurants that welcome dogs on their patios. Businesses that cater to dogs exclusively. A dog film festival. Doggie dashes.

A city council member was thrilled to be mentioned in the top ten. She said it’s our city’s goal to be the most humane city in the country. “We have a community here that really wants to support life with your dogs.”

Interesting, because we also have a high number of abuse cases, and even higher is the number of unwanted dogs euthanized in shelters. If we want to be the most humane city in the country, perhaps we should take a look at our local humane association and start there.

It’s deja vu all over again. I spent some time surfing for a column from someone on the Right who hasn’t been advised to stay away from sharp objects. The closest thing was Peggy Noonan. She was calm, as if she’d swallowed a Valium and washed it down with brandy. But Peggy has always had a sense of decorum, so I can’t be sure if she’s resorted to sedatives. Either way, she wasn’t shrill or angry; in fact, her column was kinder and gentler than a few others I came across. She praised George W. Bush and said fine things about him. Then she said that he should do the right thing and just admit he made a boo-boo.

It’s like when she said Bill Clinton was coarse and vulgar, it almost sounded like a compliment. Peggy has a way with words. I know she has affection for the Bush family, and she’s not one to abandon the administration when things aren’t going perfectly.

In other words, she’s not backing away from Bush as if he were a stinking, bloated corpse. There are some who are threatening to. Suddenly, George W. Bush just isn’t the man they thought he was. They were sold a bill of goods. He’s not the conservative he told them he was. In fact, he might not even be the Christian he claimed to be.

When his dad announced that his administration would be kinder and gentler (than what, we asked), he was separating himself from Reagan and in doing so ticked off a lot of conservatives. What they heard was “more compassionate, less conservative” and they didn’t like it.

Now here’s his son, the “compassionate conservative” (Dubya, that’s redundant!) straying from what we thought were conservative policies. Harriet Miers isn’t going to work out. He’s letting down the base. He’s lost the support of his party. His administration’s finished.

Or not. People, relax. It’s the second term. You try battling terrorism and Mother Nature and the media and see how well you come out. It’s like last night when we had some people over. A Republican friend, who isn’t afraid to talk about politics, religion, or rock and roll in mixed company, introduced the subject of Katrina. Another friend - a lifelong Democrat - was willing to have the discussion. His position was that we should do everything we can to help the victims of the hurricane. Job, new homes - whatever they need, they should have it.

That led to a discussion of the minimum wage. My Republican friend and I had voted against raising it in the last election; my Democrat friend voted for it, saying no one who works for minimum wage can afford to buy a home, so they should make more money. It’s not fair that they can’t own a home.

I explained that one of the problems I had with the legislation is that our city would raise the minimum wage, but surrounding cities wouldn’t and this would adversely affect small business owners. He said if he ran a business in another town, he still would have voted for the measure, knowing that it would hurt his own business. Employees would take comparable jobs in this town to get the higher wage and he’d lose them even after he’d invested in their training. But no matter: it’s wrong for people to earn the current minimum wage because they can’t afford to buy homes.

Um, when I was making what was considered a very good wage I couldn’t afford to buy a home in California, New York, Massachusetts, or several other areas in the country. So I chose to move here and buy what was affordable. Was it fair that I couldn’t buy a home in Boston or Manhattan? Was anyone wringing their hands over that injustice? I can’t afford a jet, either. Where’s the sympathy?

Somehow that turned into a discussion of the lottery. My GOP friend and I listed all the things we would do if we had won the 300+ million dollars. We’d give people money to start their own businesses, then they would have to help someone else once theirs took off. We’d pay for little kids’ eyeglasses. Little old ladies’ veterinary bills. The list went on.

“That doesn’t sound very Republican!”, my Democrat friend announced.

“What would you do with the money?”, we asked.

“Well, after buying a few houses all over the world, I’d buy an island and get as far away as I could from everyone.”

More proof that Democrats, like my friend, love humanity but hate humans. It’s also odd that the group that prides itself on original thought is so quick to attack Republicans who have been critical of the Miers nomination. They’re salivating over what appears to be conflict within the party. As if this was one big circus and the rogue elephants were rampaging through all three rings. Poppycock. All it means is that there’s plenty of room for everyone in the tent.

We don’t all agree all the time. I just spoke to my sister who’s a Seventh Day Adventist. She’s upset with her church school over a recent decision she calls “un-Christian.” I mentioned that, before the 2004 election, I was getting e-mail from Christians who were upset with Dick Cheney and wanted him off the ticket because of his daughter’s sexual orientation. She thought I was kidding.

“That’s crazy! I love Dick Cheney!”

Proof that not all Christians think alike. But sometimes it seems like Democrats do, and that could be their strength. When Bill Clinton was in office, many in his party loathed him but when he was in trouble they swallowed hard (maybe a bad choice of words) and stood up for him time and time again. Unity. Solidarity. All together behind their leader. Whether they could stomach him or not.

Well, Dubya’s still my president. I can disagree with him on some things and support him on others. I would prefer that fellow conservatives continue to express their opinions instead of standing behind the administration on every policy, either holding their noses or biting their tongues.

I came out this morning to make coffee and get the dogs their breakfast when I saw a copy of The San Jose Mercury News on our dining room table. The top story was about the 16 year-old who murdered Pamela Vitale. There was a photo and a caption: Teen was never the same after sister’s death.

Yeah, my sister’s dead, too, but so far I haven’t bludgeoned anyone into ground beef. I stared at the paper. How very strange, I thought to myself. How did a copy of The San Jose Mercury News end up on my table? Then I remembered: Bob is here!

T and I, the dogs, and Bob all have our birthdays the same week, so Bob is here from the Bay Area to visit. It’s sort of an October thing we used to do on a more regular basis. It started with the three of us going out after work (we were all at the same place for a long time) for pizza and beer to celebrate our birthdays. The pizza place had a big screen TV and October meant baseball playoffs and World Series games.

So, tonight is Game 1: the Houston Astros versus the Chicago…White Sox. Okay, okay, I’m used to the idea that I’ll never be able to say Cubs. You know, I actually own a 1959 Sox cap, but I won’t be wearing it.

It’s the law of baseball. Let me start with the playoffs. I admit, I didn’t catch every game this year and that’s unusual. But it was hard to get enthusiastic when I kept thinking that the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim was a ridiculous name for a team. California Angels. Anaheim Angels. But this new moniker was just silly.

They played the New Yank Yorkies (as Rush would say) and, as in the past, I’d probably have to support the Yanks - T’s team. But both organizations are out of the running now. The Angels beat the Yankees, and The White Sox beat the Angels.

As for the National League, I have to choose between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Houston Astros. My dilemma is this: how can I, as a Cubs fan, support the rival team St. Louis? There are rules. I cannot break them. It’s the same rule that says as disgusting as it is to root for the Yanks, it would be completely inappropriate to root for the Sox. The whole North Side/South Side thing. As a Cubs fan (my sister was a Cubs fan, my father was a Cubs fan), I cannot support the Chicago White Sox in this series.

I am forced to go for the Killer Bs. It actually makes sense on many levels. Geographically, Houston is closer to where I live. I like that the city of Houston was so gregarious and generous after Katrina. I like that George and Barbara Bush call Houston home. I like that the fans dress up like bees and buzz during the games to support the players whose names start with B (kinda like B for Banks…sob) and who have played long and hard and haven’t ever been to the Series. This year it’s going to happen.

So, because it’s their first shot at this after 44 years, I have to support the Astros. They were forced to wear silly uniforms for many seasons - they deserve to win. And it’s kinda like watching the Yanks what with Clemens and Pettitte on the mound.

But the real buzz is that the Sox are the team this year. Actually, there’s an easy way to find out who will lose the world championship. Just count the ex-Cubs on the team. (All together now: Wait ’til next season!)