The Tour de Farce
Writing by treason on Thursday, 25 of August , 2005 at 6:14 pm
Breaking News: French newspaper L’Equipe says Lance Armstrong used performance-enhancing drugs in 1999. Tour de France Director Jean-Marie Leblanc said the report that six urine samples Armstrong provided during his first tour win in 1999 tested positive for the red blood cell-booster EPO had convinced him the cyclist had cheated.
T heard the story and said what most of the world is probably thinking: sour grapes. Says T, “The French could easily win this thing if they just watched Armstrong’s technique. See, he takes a hold of the handlebars instead of keeping his arms over his head. They should try it.”
Immediately after T’s remark, the Internet jokes started coming.
“PARIS, France –
Lance Armstrong’s record setting seventh Tour de France victory, along with his entire Tour de France legacy, may be tarnished by what could turn out to be one of the greatest sports scandals of all time. Armstrong is being quizzed by French police after three banned substances were found in his South France hotel room while on vacation after winning the 2005 Tour de France.
The three substances found were toothpaste, deodorant, and soap, which have been banned by French authorities for over 75 years. Armstrong’s girlfriend is quoted as saying: ‘ We use them every day in America, so we naturally thought they’d be okay throughout Europe.’
Along with these three banned substances, French authorities also physically searched Armstrong himself and found several other interesting items that they have never seen before, including a backbone and testicles.”
Ouch!
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Comment by Brianna
Made Thursday, 8 of September , 2005 at 9:22 am
Well played there. 
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