The McCain Mutiny: He’s our Howard Dean
Writing by treason on Wednesday, 25 of May , 2005 at 8:05 pm
I’ll keep this short. John McCain is still running for president. Bill Frist is also running. This week we witnessed Frist v. McCain; Frist took a hard blow, and McCain’s still standing. To quote a Republican I liked much, much better: Now let me make this perfectly clear. I am not a fan of John McCain. He’s a Democrat and I never vote for Democrats. Yeah, yeah, I know there’s an “R” after his name, but he’s a crappy excuse for a Republican. He and his cronies - the 13 other Democrats and Republicans– who “came to our rescue” this week to backstab the Senate majority leader over the filibuster are all pretty reprehensible.
It’s like being a Cubs fan, I tell you. Ernie Banks had to be the nicest man in America. He was out there not making squat, supporting about fourteen kids, playing in 100% humidity in a wool uniform, Leo Durocher hated his guts, and he still smiled and said: “Let’s play two!” My sister and I risked our lives to go to Uptown Federal to stand in line for hours to meet him and catcher Randy Hundley. She kept telling me: “You better enjoy this, ’cause we’re probably going to die!!!” To this day I don’t know what was better: meeting my two favorite baseball players and shaking their cool, dry hands, or getting back to Rogers Park in one piece.
One day I was watching the Cubs play the Giants, and Willie Mays ran right into Randy Hundley — mowed him down at home plate. Hundley’s bad knees were legendary, and Mays went right for them. I remember Hundley on the ground in agony. I jumped to my feet! He cheated!!! He’s a cheater!!! Over the years people have tried to explain to me that Mays was simply trying to win. It did no good. I spent years living in the San Francisco Bay Area and Giants games were brutal. The best thing about ‘89 was the earthquake. I still despise the Giants because of Willie Mays and the day he ran over Randy.
But it’s what the Cubs and Cubs fans will never get: the goal is to win. We like fair, we like nice. It’s why the Cubs haven’t won a World Series since my dad was a toddler. It’s the same with Republicans. We’re just too damned nice. (I can hear my Liberal acquaintances choking.) But it’s true. Dubya’s dad was the best example. Unlike Reagan, he thought he’d play nice with the Dems. Remember “Read my lips! No new taxes”? It was a set-up and he didn’t see it coming. The campaign of 1992 came and Bill Clinton was a liar, but the Dems had documented proof that our guy was an even bigger liar: “Look! He promised he wouldn’t raise your taxes, and he did!”
The elder Bush, as much as I like the man because he is such a decent person, learned nothing from a life in politics or from his boss Ronald Reagan. He managed to come out of the process clean, and now he’s buds with Bill, but he really blew 1992. His own people abandoned him. He couldn’t fight dirty. Called Bill and Al bozos and said Millie the Springer Spaniel knew more about foreign policy. (All true!) But he always wanted to take the high road, and he lost the election. In the end, it turned out okay: after an eight-year national nightmare, we’ve got Republicans again. But they’re doing the same thing they always do when they get control: they choke. And Bill Frist reminds me an awful lot of George Bush’s dad. He seems genuinely decent. He hasn’t got a prayer.
If my party doesn’t find a candidate for 2008, I’ll be forced to throw away my vote and go with the Libertarian. I just can’t picture myself voting for McCain.
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